It’s liberating, exciting and effing awesome because there’s no way I could’ve realized my Chumbawamba-level resilience and full-on lust for traveling, being outdoors and meeting new people (something that used to bring me more anxiety than happiness).
The thought of being rejected, going on an interview, hanging out with people I’d never met before, getting on a plane or even using public transportation by myself used to freak me out. No joke. I had no idea what I was capable of and now, knowing these little things used to be scary, I realize other things that seem big, intimidating and impossible will just become things as soon as I do them.
In other ways it’s frustrating. I used to have an idea of how I thought my adult life would go. It was simple, lateral, gratifying and lovely. I know I talk shit about Florida, but I had a great time there. Had I been granted the life I once thought I wanted, I’d probably be perfectly content (perhaps more boring) but perfectly happy. Because I moved, because I challenged (and frightened) myself, I now know I’ll never get back to that blissfully unaware kind of happy.
I’m grateful though. Like when I’m driving five hours back from Yosemite after a weekend of camping, taking in the incredible shades of brown, green, grey and blue, trying to catch my breath at 10,000 feet and tingling from the inside out knowing I didn’t settle down, go back, procreate or say no way back when. I would have missed all of this.
I used to think driving five hours in itself was an impossible feat. What could I possibly do to distract myself for all that time? What if I wreck? What if I get too tired or blow a tire? Now I just go. I’ll figure it out. It will be okay.
I still have plenty of life stuff to figure out and maybe someday I’ll be on a semi-traditional path, but 99% of me will always be grateful I spent my 20s (and probably a good portion of my 30s too, let’s be real) challenging myself in strange, wonderful ways.
But then again, there’s always that 1% that says, “get married, have babies and get over yourself.”
Top six photos caught on film by @Kyle_Jern, see more of his work here.
I can relate to this so much! Moving away for a few years, out of my comfort zone and everything I'd ever known, is 100% the best thing I ever did. I'm a totally new person. It's amazing!
This was beautifully written, Mackensie. Growing up is a weird thing, but I'm so glad things haven't gone the way I thought they would. If I've learned anything, it's that the best things happen when you least expect them. Cheers to the challenges!
Sarah // http://www.sarahincolor.com