If you’ve never been to San Francisco or the areas surrounding it, perhaps you don’t know that it has a transformative effect on anyone who moves there. Suddenly you’re immersed in diversity and beauty like never before, and your brain starts playing tricks on you. You find yourself justifying outrageous Craigslist rent listings, admiring a pink sky every evening at sunset and downloading apps that literally tell strangers where you are (and if you’re DTNetflixandChill). If you haven’t been, I highly recommend you get over here, and if you live here, I invite you to relate below.
35 things you start saying after you move to the San Francisco Bay Area:
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Is this fruit in season? It smells genetically modified..
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What do you mean you don’t have almond milk lattes?!
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Never mind, it’s a franchise.
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Your rent is only $1500 a month?! Lucky bitch.
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Let’s go to the beach! *Grabs jacket and three blankets*
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Were these burgers grass fed? Is this a local brew?
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I just got done with my acro-yoga class.
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Let’s take Fernet shots!
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I only eat free-range eggs.
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I can taste floral notes and a complex oaky undertone in this cab.
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Ugh, Whole Foods is THREE miles away..
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Where are the chia seeds?
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Um, why isn’t there bacon in this bloody Mary?
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What kind of brownies are these?
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How many naked people will be there?
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Are you going to “The City” tonight?
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OMG IN-N-OUT! Double double animal style!
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Let’s go hiking. Wait, who doesn’t like hiking..?
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I only swipe right if they work at Google, Apple or Facebook.
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Have you heard of Happen?
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Have you heard of The League?
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I’m using Bumble now.
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Your office doesn’t have a ping pong table..?
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My car only got broken into twice this year!
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It’s not the murder capital anymore..
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No freakin’ way I’m crossing that bridge.
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My bike got stolen again.
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No one says, “San Fran” or “Frisco.”
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Look at the SnapChat filter!
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How many Yelp reviews does it have?
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Let’s just take an Uber. Pool or nah?
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Your Lyft isn’t here and it’s been five minutes. Tweet those a-holes.
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All the way out in the Sunset?!
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Work is cancelled; it’s raining.
- Where’s the compost?
Okay, okay. I made it sound like SF turns us all into insufferable brats, but I mean you can’t help but get a little spoiled after a while. Hey SF, love you, mean it!
Where do you live? Does it spoil you?!
Ha-ha. Then you drive North for 10 hours to Portland and see a lot of the same spoiled brats, just a little less bratty. Swipe right for Nike.
Well, Whole Foods is right behind my apartment and there's an acro-yoga studio 2 blocks down…and my town is like mecca for Yuppies so basically it's just like the Bay Area (NYC being our SF) without the year-round gorgeous weather. Totally the same. (Come back east.)
Hahaha omg this is so true! Such a great post! #16 is seriously so true. And "hella". I never heard people say hella so much til I moved to the North Bay area haha
hahah this is hilarious! Here people sound incredibly uptight (Germans… duh). "Did you put the green glass in the GREEN glass bin?" "You can't cross the street yet, it's not green!" "I can't BELIEVE the train is 4 minutes late. Unacceptable!" "How many beers should we get?"
I cannot believe I forgot "hella"!!!! What was I thinking?! That was hella silly of me.. 😉
I've lived in Hayward for a year and a half and can confirm all of these things to be true 😀
Of if only y'all came to Central Texas!! You'd be in shock at the cultural differences, except the local,free-range, organic everythang movement. Coming from a girl who grew up on a farm I'm loving it! Loved this post, I'm going to have to do something similar. Texas Style of course 😉
Lauren | Southern 20 Something