I’ve seen quite a few bloggers glorify spin class in my day. They romanticize the experience for all their followers, comparing it to a meditative, religious kind of experience. One that changes their lives and makes them better lovers.
Well, I’m here to get real with you guys. It’s easy to look back on any exercise experience with heart-eyed emojis because hello, endorphins! But they’re just Hocus Pocus’ing you. They release in your brain and make you forget all about the 50 minutes of agony you just suffered through, so I did what any decent friend would do: I typed out all the REAL thoughts in my notes app before the endorphins had a chance to put a spell on me. I apologize in advance for all the vagina references, but I’m just keepin’ it real. Here they are..
50 Thoughts Ladies Have During a 50-Minute Spin Class
1. Does anyone else’s vagina hurt?
2. How have I never even heard of this song?
3. Seriously, I know a lot of songs.
4. Keep your head still – she said no bobbing.
5. Okay, there’s a mirror right there. The whole class can see your head bobbing.
6. I’m a damn bobblehead!
7. Ehh.. everyone else is bobbing too. WTF is she talking about?
8. She just asked what I’d do if this was my last day on earth..
9. You can bet your ass I’d jump off this stationary bike.
10. Maybe I should do it anyway to prove a point.
11. There’s a bar next door.
12. Oooh, pina coladas!
13. Who gets pumped to Leona Lewis?!
14. Oh no, now we’re dancing.
15. How did I take dance classes for eight years without a single person informing me that I have no rhythm?
16. Okay, but how am I supposed to crunch and spin 1-2-1-2 at the same time?
17. YOU’RE NOT HELPING.
18. I’m literally spinning half as fast as the rest of this class right now.
19. Ouchhhhh my vag is going to fall off.
20. This bitch said this is her second class in a row…
21. I should ask her if she has a cyborg crotch.
22. Tap whats?
23. Class is almost over, right?
24. OMG. How has it only been 15 minutes?
25. There’s something inexplicably irritating about instructors repeating song lyrics to you during the song.
26. We heard it. It wasn’t good the first time.
27. Why didn’t I bring a towel?
28. Everyone else brought a towel.
29. You got this, just keep swimming.
30. I’m going to eat so much when I get out of here.
31. Pretty sure these clocks are broken.
32. Just play a song that doesn’t suck!!
33. I wonder if anyone would notice if I ordered Seamless right now…
34. She told us to close our eyes.
35. It’s dark AF in here.
36. When she says we can “leave the room,” she doesn’t mean…?
37. No one actually left.
38. She’s just toying with our emotions.
39. 10 minutes left.
40. No big, I can do anything for 10 minutes.
41. EFF THIS HILL.
42. HOW ARE THERE STILL 8 MINUTES LEFT?
43. I can’t do anything for 10 minutes.
44. Tension off, mothatruckassss.
45. Oh, yea. Look how fast I spin now!
46. How you like me now?
47. Streeeeeetch.
46. How you like me now?
47. Streeeeeetch.
48. That was refreshing.
49. I guess.
49. I guess.
50. FOOD!
*An hour later*
Are you with me on this?
ha-ha. But really, the music, the 'spinspiration' and the vagina feels are all things that make me nervous for a spin class. Why do they think we'll pedal faster if this was really our last day on the planet? Take care of those precious lips, dear.
Hahah this is SO true!! I'm taking a spin class tonight and I've had every single one of these thoughts. 🙂
I took my first and only cycling class New Years Day when Tracy was here visiting, and I had most of these emotions. #33 made me LOL. I actually kinda liked it—but I'm a glutton for punishment, so that doesn't mean it wasn't horrific while I was on the bike—and want to go back to a class soon because the badassness felt when leaving is pretty legit.
my lady-bits straight up cannot handle a spin class. both times I've gone I've been unable to sit for 3 days following. it's good to feel a little aligned with 🙂
I've been wanting to try a class forever! Just looked for one the other day actually and the only place I could find was $30 a CLASS. gotta keep searching. Or just splurge for the experience. That's how I'd imagine it be. Haha
Okay, so…I've been spinning for two and a half years, and I go 4-5 times a week, and I still have most of these thoughts.
Except the vag hurting does stop after your third or fourth class. But you have to keep going regularly or else it'll happen again and again. And never wear a lace thong. EVER.
SO TRUE!
NAILED IT.
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This is amazing! I am actually signing up for spin class right now and all these thoughts will be going through my head tomorrow. ON POINT!!
This blog is fantastic. That's not really a really huge statement, but its all I could come up with after reading this. You know so much about this subject. So much so that you made me want to learn more about it. Your blog is my stepping stone, my friend. Thanks for the heads up on this post. runnium