Just jump

I’ve noticed a theme among my closest blog circle. We’re busy. We’re not sure how to fit it all in. We started new jobs, chose to pursue new relationships, uprooted our lives and we all put blogging on the back burner. While I think this is healthy and normal, it left me timid. This blank box that I know so intimately and usually spend a significant part of every day brain vomiting in doesn’t feel so familiar anymore. I feel vulnerable when type what I want and stupid when I type what I don’t. I’m nervous. But it’s that bundle of nerves that comes when you climb up really high and you hold a knotted rope in your hands. You know you should just jump. You’ll feel exhilarated and free once you do, but you haven’t quite convinced yourself to do it yet. That’s where I am, in various ways. I’m at the top of the ladder trying to make my stomach stop sloshing around while I visualize it over and over again. The wind rips through my hair, and I feel my legs slam into the glass surface of the water. It’s cold and shocking. I blow out through my nose way more than I need to. Immediately the cold uncomfortable pressure passes and I’m weightless. Yet I’m still at the top holding the rope, too afraid to jump.