Alternative Song Titles

Sometimes musical artists who create great songs just really bomb on the title, so that’s what I’m here for today–to rename popular songs with titles that are more appropriate. Enjoy.

“Ironic” by Alanis Morisette — “Unfortunate Coincidences”

Much like with “literally,” there was a snafu in the channels of communication between the literary world and the conversation world when it comes to the word “ironic.” Alanis uses it wrong many times throughout this song that simply describes many unfortunate coincidental events over and over again. Sucks to suck, people of this song!

“Fantasy” by Ludacris — “Igottapee (The UTI Song)”

You can’t roll around in the dirt or do any number of the other ridiculous scenarios Luda suggests in the song without putting yourself at risk for a doozy of a urinary tract infection. Stock up on antibiotics and cranberry juice before you “do the damn thing” with this guy.

“Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-lot — “Baby Got Cellulite”

He says you can do side bends or sit ups, but please don’t lose that butt. Clearly Mr. Mix-a-lot has not heard of the whole squatting for a nice booty concept, so his big old booties are bound to be dimpled. Get it, Mixy. You do you.

“Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey — “Don’t Stop Drinking”

Everyone thinks this is a great song to sing along to because sure, it’s catchy as they come, but also because they’re always drunk when it comes on. No one (except for the new asian frontman) would willingly try to imitate Steve Perry’s vocals sober, so just don’t stop drinking, hold on to that feeling!

“Blinded By The Light” by Manfred Mann’s Earth Band — “Like A Douche”

This song was originally performed by the Boss himself, and Mr. Springsteen did not intend for his lovely song to become one with a (very strange) feminine hygiene product, but the damage has been done. Everyone who has ever sung this song has, whether they realized it and giggled uncontrollably or not, sung “Blinded by the light, revved up like a douche another runner in the night.”

“Whiskey In The Jar” by Metallica — “Musha Ring Dum A Doo Dum A Da”

I’ve never been entirely sure what a “jar-o” was, but what I really never understood was how a band could come to agree on a chorus like “musha ring dum a doo dum a da,” but more power to ’em. I’m personally way jealous of a band that can make such nonsense sound hardcore and catchy at the same time.

What songs do you think deserve alternative song titles?