Today I have one of my favorite people on the internet here to shed some light on a subject I know nothing about: how to catch a boyfriend. Check out Making Melissa so you can become as obsessed as I am.
Hello One to Nothin’ readers. I’m Melissa, Mackensie’s (self-proclaimed) favorite Canadian and permanent rider of the struggle bus. As in I suck at dating. Hard. So hard it’s not even the good kind.
But for some reason, I still try and scoop myself up a boy. Those sneaky little things. I want to share with you today a tried and true method to snatching one of these guys up for yourself.
How To Catch a Boyfriend
Step 1: Bake something really fragrant and wave it around. Slowly but surely, they’ll come out of hiding: the bushes, behind cars, etc. I find chocolate chip cookies with extra chunks or brownies do the trick. Don’t make any sudden movements, they can be fairly skittish. Just smile and slowly start walking backwards into your house. He’ll probably follow.
Step 2: Have a football game playing (this trick obviously only works on Monday, Thursday, Saturday,Sunday). Now that we’re into Hockey playoffs, that will work too. Just nothing stupid like darts ladies. (But for real did you know they show that on TSN? How is that a sport? Ugh). Bonus points if you have some honey garlic or hot wings sitting on the table. Boys love wings and sports. Still don’t say anything. Let him get settled.
Step 3: During a commercial break, walk by slowly in your yoga pants. Boys love yoga pants. Maybe even wiggle just a little bit.
Step 4: You’ve just nailed almost everything. Food, Football (sports), Fanny. Now, yell something at the TV that is relevant to the game. Show him you’re on his level. Once this happens, you’ve almost got him.
(proof)
Step 5: Lock the doors. Windows too, probably. You don’t want him to have an escape route. He won’t notice what you’re doing because he’ll be so full of wings, mesmerized by your fanny and distracted by the game.
Step 6: Pass him a jar and say you can’t open it. Then tell him how big his biceps are. What a strong man.
Step 7: While his ego is being stroked, hand him a beer for a job well done. A pat on the head never hurts either.
Ladies, he’s yours. As long as you keep him and his ego fed he’ll never leave you. This has about a 95% success rate. You’re welcome.
Do yourself a favor and check out Melissa’s Dating Disasters, why she’s not having babies until she’s 30 and things that are not dating.
Haha Melissa knows how to catch them, alright! I was surprised there wasn't a Tinder mention!! <3
YO. my whole life doesnt revolve around tinder… ahem..
but close right?!?
boys are very flighty indeed. best to lock all the windows.
GO AWAY YOU BULLIES!
Love this. I prefer to add maximum security and use handcuffs as well as locking all of the doors. (just tell him they are sexy and fun)
So simple!! hahaha I needed these tips. 😉 This is hilarious, and that cookie monster gif is a favorite of mine! Seriously though… I need help in this department!!
Ha ha this is amazing!
hahaha I love this! I'll have to try this some time!