One to Nothin'

Twenty freakin four

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I interrupt this week of silence to tell you that.. I’M 24 TODAY!!!!!! And as a newly initiated 24 year old, I feel that I should impart some nuggets of wisdom upon you, my dear readers. 24 nuggets of wisdom, to be exact. So here goes.
1. When you don’t have wifi, an iPhone is a poor but acceptable substitute for blogging but it’s important that you know your post is probably going to look like a giant deuce.
2. When committing to a 13+ hour tour of Yosemite, check tripadvisor to make sure your guide isn’t a torture device disguised as a human being who loves jazz (more on that later, my friends).
3. When you buy a dog, make sure it’s really freakin adorable, name it after a rockstar and know that it’s going to drain your bank account.
4. You can never go wrong with Chardonnay. And yes, that second glass is necessary (the more you drink, the better it tastes).
5. Always bring a jacket (even when it doesn’t match. And when you don’t, make sure there’s a male around who will feel rude for not offering you his).
6. Be nice to your parents. You never know when they’re going to travel across the country to feed and love on you for a week (thanks, guys. I love you.)
7. Download Snapchat. It’ll change your relationships with at least 4 people in the best way possible (think toilet selfies).
8. When you run out of clean underwear, wear bikini bottoms. And when you can’t find those, freeballing is perfectly acceptable.
9. If you don’t have time to wash your hair and are too cheap to buy dry shampoo, curling irons and hairspray are your best friends.
10. When you’re hungover, Chick Fil A, sweet tea and light green Gatorade are the best cures.
11. Coke Zero > Diet Coke
12. Diet Dr. Pepper > Coke Zero
13. Red and pink Starbursts are the only ones that matter.
14. Red Starbursts might be dyed with ground up beetles from Mexico. (Google that shit)
15. Never run after eating burritos. Or drinking coffee.
16. Always eat frozen burritos at the end of a drunken escapade.
17. The West coast really is the best coast.
18. You don’t always have to accept friend requests on Facebook. In fact, it’s best if you don’t, like, 30% of the time.
19. Blowing watermelon Bubbleyum bubbles full of root beer is a very messy but delicious trick.
20. Writing notes in your phone when you’re drunk is a really good idea. That way it’s fun and it means something.
21. Drinking Jell-o through a straw is one of the best things ever.
22. Running home from the bars is an efficient and semi-safe way of drunk transportation.
23. Watch out for opossums, they like to sneak up on you this time of year.
24. BITCHES LOVE CAKE (if I weren’t on my phone I would probably link to a badass playlist of birthday songs right about….here. But since I can’t, please google “decisions” featuring Miley Cyrus.)
Cheers to another year!

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