Roommate Applications Currently Being Accepted

Match.com, eHarmony, PlentyofFish, shoot, even Christan Mingle, you’ve got it all wrong. Dudes? They’re easy. Finding a date is not the issue, my friends, finding a roommate is where it’s at. That’s the online dating site I’d like to be on. But, like, a legit one. Not this “Yo, I need a place to live, so do you, you may or may not be a serial killer, let’s find out while sharing a living space” business. I just want to know why CraigsList hasn’t found me a Winston, Nick Miller and Schmidt yet. Emphasis on the Nick Miller.

And while we’re on the subject, there should be a legit adult-trying-to-make-friends-in-a-brand-new-environment site as well. (There, I said it–intellectual property. Don’t Winklevoss me, computer geniuses!) This Meetup.com stuff isn’t working for me. Actually, here’s the deal. How about all you bloggers out there that I’m obsessed with stop living in all different parts of the world so you can just be here and live with me. That way we can drink champagne in a can, discuss Google Analytics, lol over clever (or dramatic) tweets, start doing all those DIY pins that will never be done otherwise, have an automatic #ootd photographer and basically fulfill both my roommate and friend requirements. Two birds, one stone. Boom. I see no flaws in this plan.

That being said, I’m taking roommate applications. And before deciding whether you’d like to apply or not, I feel that I should give you all a little more information about myself and what I have to offer.

Strengths: likes to party, doesn’t judge, really good at truth or dare, cooks, shares alcohol, gets really into tv shows on Netflix, has the coolest dog ever, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t have friends/boyfriends to stay the night, doesn’t walk around naked (usually), likes dance parties, lets you borrow her clothes

Weaknesses: hates cleaning, dishes and laundry, stays up too late on school nights, forgets to do normal things like shower when binging on Netflix shows, can’t eat pizza without severe consequences, has the hairiest dog ever, afraid of spiders, will blog about you at some point, borrows your clothes

Special skills: ties cherry stems in knots with tongue, can speak very broken spanish but doesn’t unless she’s drunk, is an excellent wingman, drunken philosophical discussions, pig latin, disgusting shot-making, knows most songs in most genres, drinking games, back bends, cry-laughing

So feel free to send me your application and any sort of deposit would be greatly appreciated by my bank account and shoe collection. Now let’s back our azzes up because it’s Friday.