One to Nothin'

BM’s Best Movies Ever

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Today my older sister and best friend, Britni, will be taking over my blog as I’m still driving for days. So get excited to hear about the most amazing movies known to man.

Hey all! MacKensie’s sister Britni here. While she’s busy breaking my heart into a million pieces (a.k.a. moving across the county) she asked me to write a guest post. This kind of presented me with a dilemma. Though MacKensie and I are closer than your average sisters, we couldn’t be more different. While she’s running marathons, I’m habitually couch surfing. While she’s trying out new clothes and experimenting with fashion, I’m wearing the same pair of jeans and flip flops for the 3rd week in a row (come on.. we’ve all done it! Haven’t we? No? Ok never mind) and when MacKensie’s powering through her Whole 30, I’m ordering chinese take-out. So hmm.. What to write? I don’t have a lot to offer in the way of advice or commentary about fashion, healthy eating or exercising. So what do we have in common? What makes us close? There’s our shared love of sushi. When Mack posts a pic of a delicious roll, 9 out of 10 times, I’m on the other side of the table waiting to nom it. Music has always been a common ground. Whether belting “Little Mermaid” at the top of our lungs on our bunk beds or performing Fun. while drunk by the pool, we’ve always been on the same note. (See what I did there? Heh heh.) 
Which reminds me, there’s also our propensity to drink our faces off.. but moving on. 
It finally dawned on me. Movies! A perfect list of movies. A list of movies that we love to watch together anytime anyday. We’ve quoted these suckers until they were wrung dry and then we quoted them some more! I highly suggest you rent any and all that you haven’t seen yet. Or, hell, just buy them all and watch them over and over and then you will begin to understand. These are in no particular order. They’re all wonderful.

1) The Goofy Movie This movie is pure awesome sauce. Just TRY not to sing along to “Nobody Else But You” or “Stand Out”. 
2) Get Over It  This little cinematic nugget has Kirsten Dunst, Ben foster, Colin Hanks (baby Tom!), Mila Kunis, and Sisqo (yes, Mr. Thong song himself!) It’s loosely based on Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” only in the movie it’s a cringeworthy high school musical production called Midsummer Night’s Rockin’ Eve directed by Martin Short as Dr. Desmond Forrest Oates. So “put your hand down, little Steve” and let the “Fairies, fairies. Spirits, spirits.” entertain you.  
3) Drive Me Crazy The quintessential teen RomCom. I mean, Sabrina the Teenage Witch as the popular chick who falls for outcast, Adrian Grenier from “Entourage”? Yes please!
4) Reality Bites Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke, Janeane Garofalo and Steve Zahn play recent college graduates trying to find their way in the early 90’s. Hawke is hot in a greasy grungy intellectual slacker way. Classic Generation X flick.
5) The Swan Princess Well this one is a little embarrassing.. maybe you don’t need to see it. The main attraction to this movie is all the lines we chose to mishear. For example there’s a moment when the queen tells her lacky, “No mistakes this time!” but it sounds an awful lot like she said “No sex this time!” heh heh.. 
6) She’s the Man This one is so bad that it’s amazing. Amanda Bynes’s recent dive off the deep end really shouldn’t come as a surprise after watching this performance but I guarantee you that it’s REALLY fun to watch. Also, it has early Channing Tatum saying things like “So do you like.. cheese?” Ahhh!
7) Love Actually This movie is up there with Citizen Kane and Casablanca. It should be required viewing. It’s a part of our family’s Christmas tradition along with number #8 on this list. It’s about love in all it’s incarnations. Plus, they all have sexy british accents and do things like this. 
8) Just Friends Two words: Ryan Reynolds.
9) High Fidelity The ever sexy John Cusack (can we all take a moment to think about him in Say Anything? Ahh. That’s better) plays a music geek who owns a record store and has a crap understanding of women. He’s self-centered, elitist, unfaithful, and is constantly making top 10 lists of everything. It may or may not have inspired this list of movies… Also, the soundtrack is amazing. (Sidenote: See my ode to John Cusack here)
10) Sleepless in Seattle This movie will alway have a special place in my heart for a few reasons. The 1st being that Seattle is one of my most favorite cities ever and MacKensie and I had the best vacation there last year. The 2nd being that we know this movie so well that we’re able to text the each other exact quotes as they happen in the movie to whichever one of us is actually watching the movie. Yeah, it’s kind of like we’re MFEO.
11) Mallrats, Clerks, Clerks II. Pretty much any Kevin Smith flick except Chasing Amy. If you haven’t seen these, well, I don’t know what you’re doing, but quit reading this now and go watch them. Snoogins!

Best Road Trip Ever

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By now you’ve probably heard me talk about my favorite Plucky Picaroon & bloggy BFF, Sarah, but did you know that we have our own TV show? Yea, it’s kind of a big deal comedy about an adorable, quirky chick living with three bros in California. The main character, Sarah, has her own theme song (Who’s that girrrrrl? It’s SARAH!) and a best friend, me. Here’s a little photo of us on set.

So now that you know a little more about us, Sarah’s going to teach you all how to have the best time ever on a road trip while I’m traveling cross-country. Take it way, my friend!

Can you believe our MacKensie G.? Hitching her wagon to a star and setting out into The Great Unknown, the Wild Blue Yonder, the Wild Wild West…. /le sigh… What a totally excellent adventure! Even if we disregard the fact that when this road trip is over, she’ll be living in California (jealous), road trips are still the best of the best of the best when it comes to adventures.
Important Tips to Make Your Next Road Trip the 
Best.Time.Ever.

{::} First and foremost, of course, you need great music! If you’re a dweeb like me, this means compiling a special playlist centered entirely around your Destination to act as a soundtrack for said road trip. For Mary Mack, this playlist would definitely include the following:


| 1. Should’ve Been a Cowboy :: Toby Keith |  2. California Dreamin’ :: The Mamas & The Papas |
|  3. Wild Wild West :: Will Smith   |   4. California Girls :: The Beach Boys  |
|  5. California Gurls :: Katy Perry   |   6. California Love :: 2 Pac  |
|  7. Hotel California :: Eagles   |   8. California Girls :: Gretchen Wilson  |
{::} Next Up — Do Some Research
  • Is the world’s biggest ball of yarn a quick 20 minute detour off of the interstate? 
  • The hometown of your favorite movie star could be on your way from Point A to Point B! Look it up!
  • History nerds like me will be wowed by traveling at least part of the way on a classic highway [think Route 66].
  • Have you never seen The Mountains, The Ocean, The Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, or some other epic landmark? One or more of these things could be merely an Exit Sign away!
Knowing what you love is the most important thing for great road trip research. For example, I love old music so stopping at Graceland to visit with Elvis’s ghost would be so cool for me, but it’s really whatever works best for you! Be creative!

{::} Go Original or Go Home
I’m a HUGE fan of doing things in particular places that you can’t do somewhere else. Like stopping for lunch at a local diner or crab shack and ordering The Famous ______. Forget Burger King and IHOP. Find an Ed’s Grill or The First Chinese Restaurant in the Region or [my favorite] the oldest brewery around town. 
When you need to stop to pee, cruise past Speedways and BPs. Stop at Possum Trot Junction (← real place in Southern Indiana) or Mike’s Stop n’ Go: Get Food & Gas Here. A much more authentic road trip experience & some of the best souvenirs!
{::} MOST IMPORTANTLY
TAKE PICTURES OF EVERYTHING.
I mean, ev.er.ee.thang.
  
source       source

If you haven’t been on a road trip lately, plan one. I’m game! Where are we headed?! Gas prices can suck it. You can’t put a price tag on the memories, the fun, and the it’s-okay-if-I-eat-an-entire-bag-of-Cheetos-and-6-candy-bars-and-2-giant-slushies-before-Noon-because-I’m-on-a-road-trip experience!

Bon voyage, MacKensie G.! And get your couch ready for some slumber party fun. This girl is itchin’ for a good road trip!!!
(erp, why isn’t ‘road trip’ one word again??)

xo
Sarah :: Your Plucky Picaroon

Stranger Danger

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Today Shannon of Gin and Bare it is taking over the blog. This chick is the Nicki to my Paris because not only does she drink her face off on a regular basis, she also has zero filter and blogs about all the stuff I’m too scared to. So basically if you’re easily offended or don’t enjoy profuse F-bombs, maybe don’t keep reading. However, if you’re anything like me, you’ll be obsessed with this chick. 


so you know how sometimes you meet someone online and you get overly twitter pated about how much the two of you would mesh in real life?  and then you read more posts and you realize you feel kind of old because while this person you’re now kind of infatuated with is having all kinds of adventures, it occurs to you that you’re done with all your adventures because you’re old.   and not because you’re so geriatric you can’t physically handle it but because you’re so lazy you just can’t even bother with getting moderately excited about any kind of adventure that doesn’t involve your couch.

in honor of a girl that i’m going to just pretend is my little sister and her impending road trip i’m going to talk about the one time i was driving back from the IL to the WI (which is two whole hours depending on traffic).  on a list of all my road trips (of which there are like two.  one being to IL and the other to hot-lanta for a DMB show which included like 24 hours of driving for one day of a show) this baby road trip contains, quite possibly, the stupidest fucking thing i have ever done.

once upon a time like fours year ago my best friend in the entire world moved from MPLS to chicago for graduate school.  i don’t wish Chicago on anyone, much less my best friend, but the move meant that she would be like only two hours away from me instead of five.  so we planned things. things like trips for halloween and then other times where we traipsed around the side of chicago that kanye raps about and then listened intently at her door to the domestic disturbances of her then neighbors, and then also the times where we just holed up in her apartment and couch-drank. 


on my way from one such weekend i found myself stuck in traffic on the I-94.  if you’re at all familiar with the differences in highways between IL and WI then you’ll know that the ones in IL are shit and the ones in WI are way better.  and also that IL is the land of the oasis or the things that contain bathrooms and restaurants and they’re like straddling the highways and WI is not.  so as i sat in bumper to bumper traffic on a hot, sunday afternoon my car (stella) insisted on behaving badly.  and by badly i mean the little temperature thingy started to head dangerously high.  and then as i inched along – stella started to make odd noises and then eventually smoke started to seep out from underneath the hood.  a mechanic i am not – but i did deduce that maybe this wasn’t a good sign and that maybe i should get off at the next oasis (as i was still stuck in the land of the FIB).  so i did.  and upon arriving safely i popped the hood, put my hands on my hips, and looked at the junk under the hood of my car like i knew what the fuck i was doing.  after coming to terms with the fact that i was totally fucked – i dialed shitler.  the conversation went something like this:

me: hey, my car is fucked and i’m stuck in IL.  what should i do?
shitler: what’s wrong with it?
me:  uhhh – there’s a shitload of smoke coming and that’s all i know.
shitler:  well, i’m going to have to just come get you and we’ll have to deal with it tomorrow.
me: hang on – let me call you back.  some strangers are talking to me.

at this stage in the game a band of merry folk approached me and inquired as to whether everything was OK.  it was also at this stage in the game where i was feeling extremely agitated and had to refrain from responding with something like “does it look like everything is fucking ok?”  instead i informed them that something was wrong with my car and i wasn’t sure what.  one of the gentlemen insisted on taking a look under the hood (perverts – he was referring to my car).  seeing as i didn’t have anything to lose i agreed.

**quick aside for the breakdown of this group of folks**
three men.  age 35-55.
one woman.  old hippie.

my consensus: relatively harmless.

back to the tale.
after checking things out the man told me that it was my water pump.  and it was fucked (my words, not his) and i needed a new one.  after pitching a mini inner tantrum i thanked him for his time and went to call shitler back.  before i was able to call shitler back the man offered to replace the water pump for me.  honestly – i couldn’t have been happier.  like i’m thinking “there really are good people out there.  and now it can just get over and done with here and now and i want have to drive back to this shithole state tomorrow.”  i agreed.  and for some reason just assumed that he would have a spare water pump in the back of the rape-like-van they had arrived in.  but the joke was on me and he didn’t.  the group then graciously offered to drive me to an auto parts store they knew of nearby so that i could buy a waterpump and then they could install it.

so naturally – since this raised no red flags i agreed and shot shitler a text that read:
“hey, these strangers i just met offered to drive me to a local auto parts store so i could buy a water pump and then one of the three men will install it.  don’t worry.  there’s a girl.  nothing will go wrong.  but in the event that it does here’s the license plate number (DNGRZNE).  if you don’t hear back from me in like ten minutes you should probably call the cops.”  so like i had some sort of death wish and also some urge to end up on an episode of 60 minutes about an unsolved murder case i hopped in the van.  in hindsight – it wasn’t one of my shining moments.  because as the time ticked by and we drove deeper into the heart of IL i realized that maybe the fact that the woman was driving and two men were seated behind me and could at any moment like put some burlap sack over my head, a cloth full of choloroform, or inflict blunt force trauma it dawned on me that this wasn’t the smartest thing i could have done.  but laziness and the need to just get it the fuck over and done with had propelled me into a situation that could end up with me being possibly raped/murdered to shreds.

but fear not – we arrived at the store they promised, i bought the part i needed, and i made back to the oasis in one piece where one of the three mens installed my new water pump.  i was happy as a fly on shit and thanked the men over and over and over and turned to get in my car and GTFO out of IL.  until one of them stopped me and informed me that i owed them $450.  and i was all “excuse me what?”  because i tried to politely explain to the man that i had not been made aware that i was obligated to pay for services rendered considering the circumstances.  and considering that i had assumed these people had been doing a nice deed and that i was just going to pay it the fuck forward (kidding- i wasn’t).  the group got insistent saying that if it would have happened anywhere else it would have cost me much more than that.  so i responded by reminding me that it hadn’t happened anywhere else and as such it shouldn’t cost me anything.  

the mens got heated.  and there was a lot of being pissed off and a lot of yelling.
so i excused myself to call shitler.  because things were getting out of hand and the only thing i could honestly focus on was getting a drink because this entire situation was just fucking whacked in the head.

upon placing the call i first got an earful about how bat-shit crazy and stupid i was and then got a second earful when i informed shitler of the turn that the events had taken.  
shitler insisted that the group could go fuck themselves and that they were only trying to financially rape me because i was all by myself in a state i didn’t reside in.  
then one of the dudes started yelling at me in the other ear about contacting any family members i knew that would fucking western union the $450 i apparently owed.  at this point things had gone from bad to worse and the reality of the situation was that i didn’t even HAVE $450 in my bank account to give these people.

so i complied with what shitler yelled at me to do.
which was hand them $20 and get the fuck in my car and drive home.

so as i hurriedly pulled out of the oasis because i really, really didn’t want them to have my license plate number and also really, really didn’t want them to follow i managed to sneak some glances of the group swearing and violently gesturing in my rear view mirror.

i guess if there were a moral to the story it would be to not ever leave your house.
or to listen to what your parents told you when you were five and not get in the car with strangers.
or that anything on a road trip will cost you $450.
so mack – heed my advice.  well, at least the second part.
because you’re definitely leaving the house because you’re driving across country.

also you can find me on my regular blogging schedule at www.ginandbareit.com
but after reading this you don’t ever come to my blog – i wouldn’t blame you.
i’m an idiot.
Gin and Bare It
Gin on TwitterGin on Facebook   Instagram   Blog Lovin

ABC Game

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If you don’t already read this feisty chick’s blog, you should probably start. She’s hilarious. And today she’s teaching you all an epic road trip game because I am probably pretty sick of being in a car by now and I could definitely use some entertainment. Enjoy, friends.
Hey Girls Heyyyy!
I’m Sarah (aka Venus) from Venus Trapped in Mars!
MacKensie has so graciously invited me to come take over her blog while she is road tripping across the country. I hate getting in my car for the 10 minute drive to work… let alone traveling across the dang country, you go girlfriend!!
So, you know that part of the road trip when…
 All you have left are the songs you have already skipped past eleven times.
You are contemplating listening to that audio book you pre-loaded on your first gen ipod in 2004
Your boyfriend is snoring in the passenger seat  
There is only 1 bottle of beer left on the wall
Well I’m here to bring you my road trip survival game!
Warnings:
Don’t scream out answers. The key is to not scare the driver. No dying, remember?
I once screamed ZOOLOGICAL to win the game. If it is for the win, go ahead and scream as loud as humanly possible.
Q and Z are doozies. Quality Inn and Dairy Queen are your new besties…
Be nice to them and they will be nice to you.
Don’t pout if you lose. Just ask for best out of 3 out of 5 out of 7 out of 9
Be sure to explain the rules thoroughly, boys tend to accuse you of cheating when you make changes out of nowhere halfway through the 4th game. They’re just jealous.
So that is all I have! Safe travels MacKensie…
We can’t wait to hear all about your cross-country road trip when you get back to blog land! 

According to Ziggy

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Well hello there. Ziggy Stardust here. I’m a pudgy beagle mix and I’m pretty much royalty ’round these parts. Feel free to bow down and feed me beef jerky. Right now I’m cooped up in a car with my mom and some cute lady with freckles and Harry Potter tattoos. Those bitches tricked me. I got psyched out of my mind thinking we were going to the dog park despite the fact that my mama haphazardly threw all of her stuff into the back of her car. Then when we kept driving past the dog park, I realized something was just not right. Mom says we’re going to California. I don’t know what that is, but there better be some cool dogs to play with there because I’m going to miss my brother and sister, no matter how obnoxious they are. Also, I plan to whine as much as possible so that they’ll be forced to pull over thinking I have to pee. The thing is, I actually have a big ole bladder. I just really like sniffing around strange places.

Wanna know what else I like? I’ll tell you. I like crushing spiders and rubbing my face in dead, potent frogs — pretty much any dead animal that smells gross to mom, sounds delicious to me. I like scratching the crap out of doors so that everyone knows I’m ready to come inside, bumping my nose on the cabinet so everyone knows I’m ready for a treat, snuggling with my mom under the covers with my butt directly in her face and hiding my bones all over the yard, laundry, couches, under beds, anywhere that my dog siblings won’t find them. I LOVE going for runs and wiping my butt on the couch.

Some dude with a beard and awesome belly scratching abilities says I have a celebrity doppelganger:
Do you see the resemblance? I think I’m way hotter than that chick. This song is my jam though. (except for this one of course)

Lastly, it’s important that you know I hate water, love giving my mom kisses..

And look really good in glasses.

Now get excited for some super awesome people to post on this here blog for the next week or so. 
It’s gonna be a blasty blast. Also, keep us in your prayers — lots of driving in our future.

Woof.

Mold & Skulls

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Shirt: DIY/ Shorts: AE / Turbin: Jenn’s 😉 / Necklace: INPink
While procrastinating the whole packing process, I decided to get a little creative with my old work shirt after seeing these cool skull cut out shirts on Pinterest (I think mine kind of looks like the Cheshire Cat). Because clearly it makes more sense to create fun new shirts from the old ones I would’ve otherwise given away right before having to fit my life into my car. 
Anyway, yesterday was my last day working my job at the magazine. Everything is suddenly getting pretty real now that I have officially left both of my jobs, gotten my car all fixed up and had a going away party. It’s only natural that I would put off the packing process and be way distracted. 
Exhibit A: I woke up five minutes before I needed to leave for my last day of work, so I barely had time to get dressed let alone find a real breakfast, so I grabbed a Nutrigrain bar from a cabinet. I ripped it open, took a bite and ran out of the door. As I started to lock said door I noticed it tasted funny, so I looked down at the bar only to see that it was covered in a green, fuzzy mold. Cut to me violently spitting chewed up Nutrigrain all over the porch and sprinting to the sink to dry heave while forcing sink water down my throat. It. Was. Disgusting. I don’t think I’ll ever look at a granola bar the same way again. 
And speaking of being distracted, for the next couple days I will be saying my last farewells to friends and family, forcing myself to pack and letting some super duper awesome people take over the whole blogging thing for me. Expect some funny, beautiful, insightful and adventurous posts by some of my favorite bloggers, friends and family members. So show them some love and if you start missing me too much, check me out on InstaGram —> @mackensieg because you know I’ll be posting selfies in every state we drive through.
PS: I heard a rumor that a pudgy beagle might be making an appearance tomorrow..
Linking up here & there.

Things That Go Together

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Things that go together:

Coffee & CMT music videos — my favorite mornings are the ones where I get to drink my coffee slowly and watch music videos, even when I’ve already seen them a million times.
Bananas & Sunbutter — if you’ve never tried Sunbutter, I suggest you get on it. I dare say it’s even better than peanut butter smeared on bananas.
The smell of sunscreen & Cosmo Mag — this is what happens when you’re fair-skinned, live in Florida and are obsessed with magazines.
Sushi & unfiltered Nigori sake — I’ve heard sake is an acquired taste, but I’ve acquired it and I love it.
Hangovers & sweet tea — sweet tea has saved me when even water would make me vom my guts out.
Drunk nights & the notes app — how else can I remember the hilarious things we say?
Whiskey & Rose — self explanatory.
Road trips & beef jerky — there’s just something magical about opening a new bag of beef jerky and letting that fart smell penetrate the car (grossest sentence ever, but I meant every bit of it).
Instagram & selfies — no shame in my selfie game.
Running & music — props to those runners who get all zen when they run and can’t throw it off with some tunes, but this guy needs to pump pump the jam when she runs.
Rainy days & cuddling — okay, I just vommed on my keyboard. I apologize.

Things that don’t go together:

Christmas & July — I don’t know what it is, but when Christmas decorations/songs/etc. make appearances when it’s not even close to December 25, I get real upset real fast.
Orange juice & toothpaste — what kind of cruel joke is this? I brush my teeth before breakfast, therefore OJ shouldn’t be a breakfast bevvie.
Pickle juice & tequila — okay, Rose would argue with me on this one.
Multiple exclamation points & applications — or any professional setting for that matter. My reporting professor told me in college that I only get a certain amount of exclamation points in my lifetime and if I use them up too quickly, I’ll keel over. I took that to heart.
Paper cuts & lemon juice — you never know they’re there until you start squeezing those lemons.
Daytime & television — seriously. Why is daytime TV the absolute worst?
First dates & cheese — just me? Awkward..
Nail polish remover & cooking — worst taste ever. Except maybe ear wax. They might be tied.
Bullying & Blogging — this is our place, you guys. It’s where we go to vent, be creative and feel like ourselves. I can’t stand the thought of no longer having a warm, welcoming and supportive blogging community to come home to every day. Please don’t let this wonderful place we’ve come to love turn into the high school cafeteria…. Or I might just have to sick T. Swift on you.

Bon Voyage

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This weekend my sister, Britni, threw me a going away party full of beautiful homemade decorations, blow up dinosaurs, drinking-Jenga, California themed music, awesome people and obviously a lot of booze. It was really fun and of course Rose came out to play for a while, quickly followed by her super sensitive twin sister, Sally, who cries when she has to say goodbye to people she loves. Actually Sally’s trying to make an appearance right now, so I’m just going to go ahead and leave you with a music Monday playlist dedicated to the West Coast, where I will soon reside.

Oh, and if you’re wondering what I did Sunday, go ahead and read this post. That about sums it up.
Linking up here.

High Five for Friday

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1. Seven more days until I start driving to CALIFORNIA! High 10!
2. The very first issue of Marion Healthy Living Magazine came out and I wrote several feature stories in it. Check out the digital edition here.
3. Kate Nash’s new album Girl Talk is too legit to quit. 
4. One of my best friends, Jenn, deserves a high five because she’s driving to California with me and she’s the coolest person ever. (She’s spontaneously flying to NYC right now. So cool.)
5. Does anyone else love that running gear is neon all the time now? These shorts were $7 at Wal-Mart. Winning. 
And two extra high fives. One for Jenni at Story of My Life (If you’re visiting from there, welcome! Click here to learn what all this craziness is about and please comment so I can stalk you all day long) and the second one is for Whitney at I Wore Yoga Pants to Work because we’re linking up for Back That Azz Up Friday.

Oh, and this chica for the High Five for Friday linkup.
Happy Friday!
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