One to Nothin'

These are my (workout) confessions..

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I have a sports bra that’s been soaked in so much sweat that the material touching the armpit is petrified. Like, it’s literally hard as a rock. I refuse to throw it away.
When I drink water within an hour before a run, it sloshes around so loud it sounds like mullet fish jumping out and belly flopping back into the water. 
You know those coffee mugs that say “Coffee makes me poop”? No? Proof. I need one, except replace “coffee” with “running.”
I have approximately 12 different photos on my phone (like, right now) of gruesome, festering running blisters on my feet and I will gladly show them to anyone who asks.
The first time I ever competed in a cross country race (junior year of high school) I lost control of my bladder and totally pissed myself. Luckily our shorts were yellow.
Whenever I hear the term, “Carb-o-loading,” I can’t help but imagine Michael Scott doing this.
I do a lot of air drumming while I run and when I’m feeling especially saucy, I’ll sing out loud. This surely doesn’t help conserve energy, but I enjoy it nonetheless.
There was a time when I ran so much that my hips and buttocks were record small, and I took advantage of this time by shopping for running shorts in the kids section. As a consequence, one of my very few pairs of name-brand running shorts is currently too small to fit me and I cut out the built-in undies of both pairs.
I’ve never lost a toenail from running and I’m a little disappointed by it. I know it’s gross, but so hardcore!
I totally love bragging about working out on social media. It’s not that I’m trying to make others feel inadequate, but it motivates me so hard. When I see someone else just finished a badass workout and I just finished a can of Pringles, it makes me want to put the can down and do something. Plus I feel so accomplished when I can tell the world of twits that I finished that workout or went running even though I actually wanted to sit on my computer and read blogs instead. It helps. Science. (Read this article if you don’t believe me).

So I know this all probably TMI, but..
If I’m gonna tell it, then I gotta tell it all.
Soon you’ll see that my hips don’t lie at all,
I’m gon’ be so toned, you won’t know what to do,
But to enjoy part two of my confessions.
One more week of #OPERATIONSHAKIRABOD! Go hard, follow me, tag me (@Mackensieg), hashtag it, 
DO IT.

That time a goat ate my hair..

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As I mentioned here, for the past few weeks I’ve been nannying for a super cool 10-year-old girl. Yesterday we went to the Alameda County Fair (which is awesome) where we saw tiny pigs race, the weirdest feather-footed pigeons, ferris wheels, huge hamster balls for humans on water and a goat. A jerk face goat, to be exact. There were a bunch of girls in front of us trying to take a photo with him because he was standing up on the gate. They kept squealing, giggling nervously and not getting close to him. And I thought, “What’s the big deal?” and walked right up to him and posed (see top right picture). Immediately after that photo was snapped, I felt that d-bag grab a chunk of my hair, yank it back and rip the roots right from my head. I whipped around and watched his smug goat-face chew my hair in a circular motion. It was pretty traumatic. So while I’m recovering, I thought I’d let my 10-year-old sidekick take over the blog and answer some vital questions about life, love and goats.
What’s your favorite beauty product?
I like my bed head dry shampoo. I like it if I don’t want to take a shower for a day. (A girl after my own heart)
What do you think of Chris Brown?
Meh. (**doesn’t know about the Rihanna thing)
Can you tell me why the Kardashians are famous?
Cuz they’re stupid?
Are most stupid people famous?
A lot, yea.
Do you know who the Spice Girls are?
Kind of..
How do you know if a guy has a crush on you?
If they send you a text every second.
Who is your favorite singer/band?
For a band, Maroon 5 but I like Jason Aldean for a singer.
If you were on a desert island, what three things would you bring with you?
Water, some sort of food and my phone.
Who’s your biggest celebrity crush?
Luke Bryan (I feel you, girl.)
Do you have any advice for someone posing in a photo with a goat?
Not to go near it with your hair.
What’s the best thing about summer?
No school and you get to sleep in and I like going to Tahoe.
Why is MacKensie the coolest person ever?
Because… hmm, that’s a hard one. Because she hangs out with me.
What actress would play you if your life was a movie?
Taylor Swift.
What is the definition of ‘swag’?
Secretly We Are Gay. (News to me!)
What’s the meaning of life?
To live.

Cheers

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Dress: Old Navy / Shoes: L.C. / Earrings: c/o Excessory Exchange / Rings: Target / Necklace: INpink / 
Cup o’ champagne: c/o Vino2Go
My last day working as a servant server at the hibachi grill where I used to spend the majority of my time was a really great day for me. All my tables were big-tippers or just really entertaining (like the 17-year-olds who bragged about their rodeo abilities, insisted on getting my phone number and professed their love to me through a thick redneck accent) and I knew I’d never have to come in again as an employee so I was in a great mood. I pranced around that place bragging to my friends about how I was never going to be a server again.
It’s not that I hated being a server either, in fact I kind of liked it a lot at first. I got to sleep in, flirt with customers, party after work and go home with cash in my pocket every night (which was often spent on booze, but that’s beside the point). But after a year of smelling like fried rice and soy sauce every single weekend, I was definitely over it and so glad to be done. I remember saying to my manager in my obnoxious, BS tone, “I’m going to get a normal 9 to 5 job with a salary and benefits and I won’t even have to work on the weekends. I’m going to put this college degree to use and start liking Fridays once I get to California.” She laughed, rolled her eyes and this song about sums up both of our attitudes toward it:

But I was persistant. I told myself (and others) over and over again that I was going to find a job, but not just a job, the job. A part of me really believed it, and the other part went ahead and applied to about four different restaurant jobs as soon as I got here, none of which I even got a call back from. I did, however, get call backs, interviews and even some offers from about four different journalism jobs (the field I spent four years obtaining a degree in). 
I followed my heart or a weird feeling in my stomach, if you will. There was a time when I was going to give up on writing all together, in fact I told myself writing this blog was good enough and I started school again. My heart wasn’t in it though and I worked at that restaurant for a year to save up for this adventure. I had no idea where it would take me, but as my sister said, “Leap and the net will appear.” 
So I jumped, and here I am. I got the job.
I don’t want to jinx it (hence the ambiguity), and right now it seems too good to be true, but it’s happening nonetheless. Who knows what will happen from here, but I just wanted to encourage those of you out there struggling. I know those feelings of doubt. When you leave your job or classes for the day and get that feeling in your stomach that tells you, “This isn’t where I’m supposed to be.” You’re not alone. And if you follow your heart, believe, actively work toward that unknown ideal and leap.. it will appear. And if it’s anything like my net, it’ll show up in the strangest of ways, but that’s another story for another day.
For now I’d like to say “Cheers!” to my new job, to having weekends off and to following your heart no matter where it takes you.
Linking up here.

Unsolicited dating advice

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I am no Carrie Bradshaw by any means, but as a single mid-twenties lady in a sea of engaged, married and knocked up bloggers, I thought I’d share some lessons I learned the hard way when it comes to the world of heterosexual dating. Here goes.
-If a guy is constantly comparing you to his ex (saying how much prettier, cooler and better at life you are), there’s a good chance you’re just his rebound. You’re still prettier, cooler and better at life than she is though.
-If an ex girlfriend shows up at your guy’s apartment with breakfast and proceeds to put a hole in the door when she realizes there’s another girl there, she will key your car. Do yourself a favor and stay away from them both.
-If you want to talk to some guy at an airport, eating a candy apple and giggling uncontrollably while getting red, stickiness all over your face is a great way to break the ice. But, really.
-If a guy disappears from the face of the Earth out of nowhere, he got back together with his ex and is too big a coward to tell you. Until you figure that out, you might think there’s something wrong with you. There’s not.
-If a dude wears plaid pants with chains and thinks it’s hilarious to lick your face in front of all your friends, run away. Run as fast as you can no matter how hot your 14-year-old self thinks he is.
-If a guy has pierced nipples and can’t walk past a mirror/shiny surface/reflective pond without visibly stopping to admire himself, he’s definitely a douchelord and probably compensating for something (if you know what I mean).
-If a guy trying to get to know you via text (*first red flag*) claims to love live music and mentions Nickelback as one of his favorite concerts, just respond with, “If only your taste in music was as good as your taste in girls,” and lose his number immediately.
-If a guy takes off his shirt at a party where no one else is shirtless, he probably also posts dirty-mirror-shirtless-selfies on Facebook. Abort immediately.
-If you invite a guy you’re not totally comfortable with to a sorority date function (or anywhere, really), do not compensate for the weirdness by drinking your face off. You will vom everywhere and it won’t be fun for anyone.
-If a dude you just met brags about his $300 (women’s) sunglasses, loves John Mayer and spent more time on his hair than you did, he’s going to hit on you even though he has a girlfriend. Hard pass.
-If a random guy you meet at a party insists on giving you a lap dance to 98 Degrees songs, just go with it. It’ll be weird for a night and hilarious for the rest of your life.
-If a guy doesn’t talk to you throughout your entire commute and hands you his number on a piece of notebook paper before he exits the train, don’t call it. Or maybe do. I didn’t, so I’m not really sure what happens.. but.. stranger danger!
-Not all guys who buy you drinks want your number, but if they do, just switch the last two numbers of your digits. That way it’s easy to remember and (if you’re a terrible liar like myself) you won’t stutter. If he asks, your phone is dead.
-Never, ever settle. There are good ones out there. I’ve met them, dated them even. Life is too short to date douchebags. New life motto? 

How to Be a Heartbreaker by Marina & The Diamonds on Grooveshark

**Try not to take any of this too seriously. I certainly don’t.**

Wear

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Top: Target / Shorts: TJMaxx / Necklace: c/o Excessory Exchange / Shoes: Target
I could spin some elaborate tale about how I spent my weekend roaming the streets of San Francisco with my wolfpack. Just the three of us wolves running around the desert together looking for strippers and cocaine, and really I’d be doing you a service. Because what I actually did was try to convince myself I wasn’t sick while spending the majority of my weekend bowing down to the porcelain throne. Sometimes I’d catch a second wind and go for a walk, do some yoga and I even drove myself to Berkeley to eat some spectacular noms from Gather. But it wasn’t long before I got that lovingly concerned, “You don’t look so good,” comment and then it was back to refreshing my BlogLovin feed hoping that some homebody west coaster was spending her Friday night writing clever blog posts. 
I did manage to spend some time playing with makeup and trying on outfits to go with my fabulous new necklace from Excessory Exchange and I’m definitely a fan. I am not, however, a fan of trying to take outfit photos with the timer app on my iPhone (which I’m pretty sure takes better pictures than my digital camera..) on the patio when there are so many beautiful locations I’m dying to go all Tyra Banks on. Do any of you photography savvy people out there want to suggest a somewhat affordable, high quality camera for a beginner? And a tripod? I’m lost.

For Dad

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To the man who would always whisper, “the blue bird sings,” “Barnie is a dinosaur” and “stick a feather in his hat and call it MACARONIIIIIIIIII!”
To the man who spoiled us with a tree house, a trampoline, our first cars and everything else we could possibly want/need.
To the man who threw out his shoulder at the batting cages with me, came to every soccer game and got my entire cross country team to call me “MACKIE.”
To the man who popped a bottle of champagne and took all my friends (even the ones he didnt know) out to dinner the day I was accepted to UF.
To the man who always honks and waves at cows and screams, “FUNNY MAN” at moose.
To the man who took me out to breakfast every time he was in Gainesville for a job while I was in college (and didn’t mention it if he could tell I was hung over).
To the man who went to the store and bought all of mine and my sister’s favorite candy and snacks the night before driving across the country.
To the man who thought Billy Joel sang “you’ve got a ‘spheeling’ all right” in Piano Man.
To the man who invented “One to Nothin”
To the man who always picks up the bill, buys the next round and makes the best bloody Marys.
To the man I know could take down a purse thief, solves conflicts the oldschool way and also loves musicals.
To the man who always makes me smile, laugh and feel loved.
Happy Fathers Day, dad. I love you.

I got the swag & it’s pumpin out my ovaries

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I hereby dub this day the day of fitness, and with that I give myself full permission to ramble about all things workout-related. So if such things make you do this:

I suggest you move on to the next blog in your reader. 
First order of business: My new shoes. I ordered a pair of Merrells online a few weeks ago (the Women’s Barefoot Run Bare Access Arc 2 to be specific) and I had never even tried on a pair of Merrells before so I was nervous. I ordered them in the exact size I wear in heels, sandals and regular shoes and hoped they would fit correctly even though I’ve had some issues with running shoe sizes running bigger/smaller (see what I did there?). Anyway, I got them in the mail the day before the Bay To Breakers 12k and had a mini freak out when I tried them on and thought they were too big. On a whim I decided to just wear them anyway seeing as how the only other option were shoes that literally gave me blisters any time I ran longer than 3 miles at a time.
Best. Decision. Ever.
These shoes are the best shoes I’ve ever run in and I’ve been running since sophomore year of high school (8 freaking years?!). I talked a lot about barefoot running in this post back when I was having knee issues, and I own a pair of Vibrams which are awesome, but also give me blisters after a while since you can’t wear socks with them. I finished the 12k strong and continued to wear them the rest of the day as we ventured all around San Francisco. But the true test came when I wore them for the Zombie Runner Half Marathon, and for the first time in the past 5 halfs I’ve completed, I finished without a single blister.
I didn’t think that was even possible. So basically I’m psyched out of my mind and I have a feeling this is going to greatly improve my running/marathon training. I definitely recommend these shoes if you’re looking to switch to a minimal running shoe, BUT if you’re used to wearing cushy, stacked heel running shoes, I can’t emphasize enough the need to transition slowly. If you switch to minimal shoes too quickly you are far more likely to injure your ankles because they haven’t had time to build up the strength they need. When I first started wearing my Vibrams, I alternated between my regular supportive shoes and only went a couple miles at a time in them until my calves and ankles built up strength.
Okay, moving on. #OperationShakiraBod week 2 was successfully completed!
Here are the videos I completed this week:
I went super easy on myself yesterday because I sort of spent all of Wednesday night puking and not sleeping due to an epic sinus headache (we can also blame that for my lack of a blog post), but I’m feeling much better today and plan on going for a jog (with a soft j) after I hit ‘publish.’ And during said jog, I will be backing my azz up to this song:
Happy Friday!

Vorfreude

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Shirt: Brit NYC / Vest: PacSun / Shorts: AE / Sandals: Payless / Shades: F21

Life is really great, you guys. I know it doesn’t always seem that way, but today I just want to remind you that it is. There are some things coming up that I’m really excited about. I’ve had more stomach butterflies in the past few months than I had experienced in the two years leading up to them. My bloggybff, Sarah, once blogged about the German word vorfreude and it’s just too perfect not to share. 
“The joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures.” 
I live for this. I have never purposely ruined a surprise (for myself.. I’m sure I’ve accidentally ruined them for others). Never peeked at my presents before Christmas and rarely even shook the packages. I love the excitement of waiting for that surprise and I adore the adrenaline rush before a live concert, traveling to a new place, a first kiss, waiting for someone else to receive a surprise from me, you get the idea.
In the next few months I have these wonderful things to look forward to: A trip to LA for the Fourth of July, my parents coming to visit SF for their anniversary and my birthday, a trip to San Diego to watch my (sorority) big sister get married, the Outside Lands music festival, the Fun. and Tegan and Sara concert in September and a trip to NYC (with my whole family!!) to see a close friend get married in October. Not to mention all the weekends in between that are sure to be magnificent if they follow suit of every weekend I’ve experienced since I arrived on the West coast.
The only problem with all of this vorfreude is it makes time go by really, scary quickly. So I’m adding another goal to the list: to slow down and enjoy every minute, as cliche as it may be. There are so many of them in each day and instead of just letting them fly by, I want to cling to each one. I don’t want to concentrate too hard on the future or long for anything in the past, I want to be present. Every day has something joyful in it, even when it’s really, really hard to see it. It’s there. Waiting to surprise you and give you butterflies all over again.
I hope you have something to feel excited and joyful about today. And if you can’t think of anything, I hope you’ll go make someone else’s day because I happen to know for a fact that it will rub off on you too.

Couponing Conundrum + Giveaway

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The other day I was watching The Singing Bee on CMT (yea, the one with the loud, blond chick from Reba). If you haven’t seen it, it’s a game show where contestants have to know the exact lyrics to songs and sing them loudly and embarrassingly out of tune for all the unemployed bums who watch daytime tv of the world to see. So obviously I love it.
In the beginning of the show, after they pretend to randomly pick people from the audience (that they just so happen to already have a card full of random facts about), they introduce the contestants and discuss their careers, nicknames and “fun facts.” Normally my eyes glaze over at this part, and let’s be real I’m probably hung over or just plain avoiding doing something productive when watching this show anyway, but one lady’s career caught my ear.
“I teach a couponing class,” she says. 
From there my thoughts got a little out of control.
How much does a couponing class cost? 
More than the amount you save by using coupons perhaps?
Is there a coupon for said couponing class?
Should I check Groupon?
How did this woman score this gig as I stared at my college diploma while serving tables for a year after graduation?
Does one major in couponing at some community colleges now? With a minor in daytime game show auditioning, maybe?
Can you not find all of this information on the internet? This.
And lastly, is it really necessary to enroll in a class to teach you something that Honey Boo Boo’s mom has already mastered?
So this is what happens when I watch tv all day. I hope you’re not a couponing class teacher, but if you are, feel free to answer any and all of the above questions. I’m genuinely interested. And even if you’re not, check out these lovely pieces of jewelry from Excessory Exchange and enter to win them below.
a Rafflecopter giveaway

PS: I may or may not have just emailed the casting crew at The Singing Bee… 

Get wasted on love, Get wasted on life

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#OperationShakiraBod was cheated on a bit, you guys. I allowed myself one cheat day per week (see this post if you have no idea what I’m talking about), but I kind of had to make an exception because when it’s 100 degrees out and an adorable local froyo place sells non-dairy sorbetto in cones, you just can’t say no. It’s not a possibility. In other news, I received an awesome package in the mail, went hiking and saw my very first slug. I was oh so close to posting it on here but it looked dangerously similar to a slimy turd, so I decided to pass. You’re welcome.
Then Saturday Emma and I ventured into Golden Gate Park for the Chipotle Cultivate Festival. It was a wonderful, free festival that had plenty Mexican food, libations and live music. Three of my very favorite things, you see. I literally squealed out of pure joy while anticipating Walk the Moon in concert. Emma can attest to my ridiculous excitement. Oh, and there was a Big Gay Ice Cream truck. I love San Francisco so, so much.
This little guy was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. From his sweet little animal-eared hat and noise-blocking head phones to his big goofy smile and tendency to rock out to the bands.. I wanted to take him home. The bands were awesome, the food was delicious and the company was, as always, wonderful. And to top off a fabulous day, I had a life insurance salesman-looking man named Barry hand me a piece of notebook paper with his digits on it while riding BART home. Maybe if he had written “Call me, maybe?” I would have considered it.. but no such luck. I wonder if this unconventional technique often works? At least strike up a conversation first, right? Dudes be crazy.
Sunday was my long run, and I would just like to take a moment and high five the shiz out of myself because not only did I hardcore think I’d chicken out (even as I started running it), but I was consistent and I finished strong. Man, it feels good to be a gangster. But really though, is noticeably improving your fitness not, like, the best feeling ever? On that note, here are some tunes to work out, chill out and hang out with your wang out to. Enjoy.
Linking up with Sami.
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