One to Nothin'

It might be a soft J..

by 5 Comments

I woke up extra early to bang out this post because the internet wasn’t working last night (dedication, I tell ya!) but I forgot to take my morning lack of brain function into consideration. So I’m sitting here wishing I was still sleeping and staring at my fitness calendar..
Yea, so I didn’t actually do 14 miles on the 14th, instead I tried to run four miles with Ziggy but it was too hot for that furry little sausage, so we ran one of them, I think, and walked the rest. Then I went for an 8-mile victory lap. I’ve never been great at math, but 4 + 8 = 12. And so I have officially still never run more than 13.1 miles in one day. Hopefully I change that up this weekend and rock a 15-miler even though that sounds incredibly intimidating.
The only video I did this week:

And to conclude the world’s lamest post..
Let’s back that azz up with Whitney.

PS: Thank you to everyone who linked up their dating disasters yesterday!! I was in the middle of the list when the internet left me, so I will definitely be getting some more giggles from the rest of them tonight. And a big thanks to Erin for hosting with me!

Flirting With Disaster Link Up

by 7 Comments

The Dating Disasters Link Up has finally arrived!
Here’s the deal: Link up anything dating-related (and it doesn’t have to be current–talking to you married ladies out there). Also, it’d be cool if you followed the hosts (me and Erin of Two Thirds Hazel) and included the following button to spread the awkward action to all of blogland! No pressure.
One to Nothin
<div align="center"><a href="https://www.onetonothin.com" title="One to Nothin"><img src="https://www.onetonothin.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/flirtingwithdisastersmall.jpg" alt='One to Nothin' style="border:none;" /></a></div>
There hasn’t been a whole lot of “dating” per se going on around these parts lately, but there has been a lot of getting-hit-on-in-weird-ways, and it’s getting out of hand. So I don’t actually have an epic dating disaster to share with you, but I’d like to say that it’s because I’ve been avoiding the likes of these guys…

Glasses McDance-A-Lot
Glasses and his little toady seemed nice enough as they swooped us up on the way out the door of my friend’s new apartment, saved a parking spot for me with construction cones and proceeded to buy us drinks, more drinks and a round of shots (even for the other 12 guys standing around us in this sausage fest of a bar). Things got complicated, however, when my friend started talking to a very attractive specimen and so I tried to wingman it up for her by talking to his friend. Next thing I know, Glasses grabs my swivel chair and spins me around to face him. Then he pulls me onto the dance floor where there is not a soul dancing except for two Michael Jackson impersonators and starts straight up ballroom dancing with me. And let’s be clear, I do not know how to ballroom dance. Luckily his phone was dead so he couldn’t even try to get my number. I did, however, find his and the toady’s business cards in my wallet and a note on my phone with his actual name on it.

Baja Fresh Boy
I had just sat down at an outside table for my first-ever Baja Fresh experience, I was about to run a train on my burrito bowl when a dude wearing a jumpsuit of sorts walked over and said, “I’m way too cute for you to be sitting here alone.” *crickets* “That was a good one right?! Can I sit down and have a mini five-minute date with you?” Meanwhile his two guy friends sitting at a table a couple feet away are cringing and saying things like, “Dude, you’re gonna get shut down..” and “This is rough..” And I’m all, “So.. you’re going to watch me eat..?” Eventually he gets out a receipt and a Sharpie and places it in front of me asking for my number and nervously laughing saying, “You’re not going to give it to me, are you?” To which I replied, “How about you give me your number?” So thank you, Baja Fresh Boy, I will be adding that slip of paper into the collection I’ve started in the bowl where we keep the mailbox key, because BART Boy’s number is in there too.

Barry from BART
Apparently some amateur porn was recently filmed on BART, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by a strange romantic gesture on this public transit (which I briefly mentioned here), but BART Boy came out of nowhere. I rode the train for about an hour not knowing he was behind me all along (sounds way more romantic than it was, trust me). It was a few minutes before his stop that he decided to introduce himself, and my first thought was that this man dressed in a business suit on a Saturday night was going to try selling me life insurance. Instead he asked if he could give me his number and handed me a folded up piece of notebook paper. No “what do you do for a living?” or “What’s your sign?” just right to the point. The only problem with “right to the point” is when you time it poorly and the doors don’t open for a good 30-40 excruciating seconds that neither of us tried to fill. Into the basket you go.

The Foreigners
Okay, these guys had the right idea as far as pickup lines go, and by that I mean.. they could’ve said anything because they all had accents. The first group (yes, there were two groups of foreigners in one night) consisted of men from England, Scotland and Portugal. These guys simply said, “Where are you ladies off to?” so we went to a bar with them and discussed the jukebox and the random Christmas tree adorning the loft over ridiculously strong whiskey drinks. Once the bar closed, we stood outside as one of them sprayed my pepper spray on his hand and proceeded to lick it.. at this point my friend and I got distracted by two Irish boys knocking on the window and offering us pizza, so we hung out with them the rest of the night playing (and cheating at) rock, paper, scissors to prove who was better at being best friends, us or them, and then us laughing hysterically because “guy with a point” sounds like “gay with a pint” when Irishmen say it.

Lessons Learned
So at the end of the day, the lessons ladies can take away from this are: always get souvenirs from creepers who hit on you (a piece of paper is way more fun than a new contact in your phone), public transit and lunch breaks are a great time to hide from dudes on the prowl and try not to be a phenomenal dancer when you’re not interested in the dude making you dance with him.
As for the fellas: The quickest way to a woman’s heart is through your accent and her desperate need for drunk pizza. Also, time the exit right! It’s way more mysterious, intriguing and less awkward that way.

What I wore

by 7 Comments

 Tee: Old Navy // Skirt: Plato’s Closet // Dress: L.C. (Plato’s Closet) // Belt: Kohl’s // Cardi: Target
Pants & Blouse: Plato’s Closet // Top: Ross // Jeans: ??
These are the only early morning outfits I managed to snap before running out the door in the past week, but needless to say I’m a big fan of Plato’s Closet now. Like, really big fan. This is my first pair of white pants I’ve ever owned and I was pretty terrified of spilling stuff on them the entire time, but somehow I came out unstained (even if the unexplained marks all over the mirror suggest otherwise).
And in case you were wondering, I’ve been wearing the exact same pair of flats and necklace every single day because mornings are really not my thing and neither is planning ahead for anything. Which is also why I often shower at night and end up wearing more of Ziggy’s hair than my own.
Thank you all so much for the love yesterday. Seriously, blogging is the best thing ever, you guys are the most amazing people ever and I’m back to feeling chipper as ever. Which is probably why I’m stoked out of my mind about Ke$ha’s Warrior album right now (how am I just now listening to the whole thing?! I love me some glitter vomit).
Don’t forget about the dating disasters link up going down tomorrow!! Get ready to dish the dirty deets and laugh your asses off. It should be an entertaining day in blogland.
Happy hump day!
Linking up here.

She doesn’t even go here!

by 17 Comments

(It just seemed appropriate)
Have you ever had a stranger say something to you that really bothered you when there’s really absolutely no reason why you should care? If not, I am incredibly envious. In several job interviews I’ve been asked what my greatest weakness is, and I know that you’re supposed to say something that can be turned around into a good thing (I know this because I watched The Hills, duh), but my answer is that I’m too sensitive.
I usually follow it up with something along the lines of “this also means I’m compassionate” and blah, blah, blah but sometimes it’s really hard to find the good in it. It’s just a pain in the ass, truth be told. 
I was the kid who would get called on in class and start tearing up before I even heard the question. I was the kid who got a giant lump in her stomach that lingered for days if someone so much as raised his voice at her. The one that almost didn’t go to the final round of judging of the science fair because one judge (out of, like, five) thought her project was stupid and she couldn’t stop crying the entire night (I went and won, by the way). The one who would rather be miserable than hurt someone else’s feelings because she knows what those feelings are like.
I’ve gotten a lot better about it as I’ve gotten older but sometimes it still pops up when I least expect it and it hangs over me like a Dementor sucking the happiness out of me. I don’t understand why I let the opinions or inconsiderations of strangers affect me so deeply even when I know, on a conscious level, that I did nothing wrong and it’s irrational to feel this way. But I do. And I probably always will.
Sometimes I just have to stop my thought process and observe for a second. I literally ask myself why I’m tensing up my shoulders and burrowing my brow. It’s a conscious decision for me to let it go. I make myself physically relax with deep breaths, meditation, yoga; my very own Patronus, if you will.

Sorry to get all weird on you guys, but basically I wanted to explore this struggle in case anyone else shares in these feelings and also, here are some of the magical things of the internet that have since made me feel better:
Sarah sent me this and it’s hilarious, but I really resonate with this one, and this one is so, so very accurate.
My sister sent me this the other day and it made me lol.
This song still makes me want to dance every day.
All the links in this post (and every other post by her for that matter).
This lady has quickly become one of my faves too.
I’m doing a rave 5k..
And on that note, I hope you’re as happy as a sheep on a beach today. 

Announcement!!

by 5 Comments

YESSS, I’m hosting my FIRST-EVER link up and with one of my all-time favorite bloggers, Erin of Two Thirds Hazel, no less! It’s going down this Thursday, so GET. PUMPED.
Here are the deets.

Flirting With Disaster: A Dating Horror Stories Link up
Dating can be a bitch, am I right? Obsessing over how long it takes some dude to text you back, accidentally giving out your number when you’re wasted and trying to stalk them on Facebook the next day (when you obviously don’t know his last name..) and just “playing the game” in general. In the words of Taylor Swift, “This is exhausting.” So we are giving you the perfect excuse to blog about it.

Who:
This link up is for all the single ladies out there (and the shacked up ones who remember what it’s like being a single lady), who have several contacts saved with bar names after them and always have entertaining creeper stories to update their friends with. 

What to link up:
Anything dating-related! Tell us about that date from hell, the awful pickup line that guy used on you at the bars last night or how you met the man of your dreams while puking in the bushes–anything goes. 

When:
The linkup goes live Thursday, so be sure to get your blog posts ready and cross your fingers that the creepers don’t stalk your blog. 

I lost my head in San Francisco

by 11 Comments

FRIDAY
You guys, Friday night I not only rode BART to SF by myself (I’m a pro at that one by now) but I also found the bus stop I needed to get to the Cobb Comedy Club and hailed a taxi (for the first time ever) because I didn’t want to wait for it (and I was running late). Am I a grownup or what?! I definitely need to add this to my list. Anyway, I was headed to this club to see John Mulaney, who happens to be a badass writer for SNL, do standup. It was hilarious. I was laugh-crying like an idiot. Afterward Emma and I went to some Irish bar and drank whiskey drinks and decided to peace out around 1am when suddenly I noticed John Mulaney and the comedian who opened for him (if anyone knows his name, please tell because he was really funny too) crossing the street in front of us so I screamed, “HEY YOU GUYS” sloth-style and asked for a picture like a spazz, but it worked! 
The rest of the night consisted of foreign boys buying us pizza and teaching us words and some star gazing from Emma’s badass rooftop until 5am.
SATURDAY

Saturday was a little rough in the hangover department, so we took it slow and eventually dragged our makeup-less, sunglasses-clad faces out to a cafe right down the street and it was amaze-balls. That frittata up there was magnificent. Then we strolled over to Washington Square Park where we looked at art and laid in the grass while watching beautiful people play football. We topped this lovely day off by eating the most delicious fish tacos I’ve ever experienced at the Codmother in Fisherman’s Warf –I strongly suggest you try this place. It’s a tiny little food truck, it’s super cheap and the women who work there are ridiculously friendly and wonderful–and the food was awesome, duh.

SUNDAY
Sunday I slept in, ate sushi, went running and reflected on how wonderful San Francisco is. I am officially in love. I like it more every time I visit. A friend of mine who used to live here posted this the other day too, and it just made me love it more. And speaking of love, I got this comment last week in response to this post..
Thank you so much for this comment, Kate. It made me smile all day. I can’t wait for your site to launch (especially since it’s on my birthday!) and when it does, don’t forget to change your settings from “no-reply comments” so other bloggers can interact with you. What a wonderful paragraph to receive in my inbox. Comments are such a powerful thing, my friends.
Be sure to check back later today for a super fun announcement!
Linking up with Sami.

Roommate Applications Currently Being Accepted

by 11 Comments

Match.com, eHarmony, PlentyofFish, shoot, even Christan Mingle, you’ve got it all wrong. Dudes? They’re easy. Finding a date is not the issue, my friends, finding a roommate is where it’s at. That’s the online dating site I’d like to be on. But, like, a legit one. Not this “Yo, I need a place to live, so do you, you may or may not be a serial killer, let’s find out while sharing a living space” business. I just want to know why CraigsList hasn’t found me a Winston, Nick Miller and Schmidt yet. Emphasis on the Nick Miller.

And while we’re on the subject, there should be a legit adult-trying-to-make-friends-in-a-brand-new-environment site as well. (There, I said it–intellectual property. Don’t Winklevoss me, computer geniuses!) This Meetup.com stuff isn’t working for me. Actually, here’s the deal. How about all you bloggers out there that I’m obsessed with stop living in all different parts of the world so you can just be here and live with me. That way we can drink champagne in a can, discuss Google Analytics, lol over clever (or dramatic) tweets, start doing all those DIY pins that will never be done otherwise, have an automatic #ootd photographer and basically fulfill both my roommate and friend requirements. Two birds, one stone. Boom. I see no flaws in this plan.

That being said, I’m taking roommate applications. And before deciding whether you’d like to apply or not, I feel that I should give you all a little more information about myself and what I have to offer.

Strengths: likes to party, doesn’t judge, really good at truth or dare, cooks, shares alcohol, gets really into tv shows on Netflix, has the coolest dog ever, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t have friends/boyfriends to stay the night, doesn’t walk around naked (usually), likes dance parties, lets you borrow her clothes

Weaknesses: hates cleaning, dishes and laundry, stays up too late on school nights, forgets to do normal things like shower when binging on Netflix shows, can’t eat pizza without severe consequences, has the hairiest dog ever, afraid of spiders, will blog about you at some point, borrows your clothes

Special skills: ties cherry stems in knots with tongue, can speak very broken spanish but doesn’t unless she’s drunk, is an excellent wingman, drunken philosophical discussions, pig latin, disgusting shot-making, knows most songs in most genres, drinking games, back bends, cry-laughing

So feel free to send me your application and any sort of deposit would be greatly appreciated by my bank account and shoe collection. Now let’s back our azzes up because it’s Friday.

Filed Under: lol

Light a roman candle with me

by 10 Comments

You know those moments where you kind of lose yourself for a second? Not in the dramatic intro to T.Swift’s “Trouble” video kind of way, but in a really great, “wow, this is what all those songs I’ve been obsessed with are about” kind of way.
I’ve always been the kind of person who just keeps going. I make the best of my situations and even when I end up in a funk, I don’t actually recognize that I’m in one until I’m out of it. It’s like when I’m running and I can feel that blister coming in, but I don’t stop to see how bad it is. I’d rather just finish the race and deal with the pain and messiness of it afterward. This leaves my foot kind of numb in the meantime.
I think I was kind of numb before and I’ve been having these moments lately that make my fingers and toes get that pins and needles sensation.
I was on a boat, just sitting there with my feet up on the seat and my hair was in a braid but all the hair kept falling out of it. The baby hairs were completely dreaded and the straps of my dress kept falling down. The fresh water would spray in my face every time we hit another boat’s wake and the sun had that not-too-hot afternoon shine to it. I was singing Bon Jovi at the top of my lungs, shredding my air guitar and my cheeks were fatigued because I couldn’t stop smiling.
I was sitting on the dock shivering with my way-too-many-th fruity vodka drink in my hand, staring up at the stars. The kind of stars you can only see on a lake when there are no city lights around and you have no concept of how late it is. The kind you look at while feeling free to speak candidly because you’re tipsy, talking to strangers and they’re not going to judge.
I was running and it was about 8pm so the sun was going down. The air was cool, the sky was pink and the hills didn’t look real. I ran past my workplace and, again, I couldn’t stop smiling. My legs weren’t tired and my lungs just wanted to sing even after going for seven miles. It was completely dark by the time I got back home and I wasn’t scared.
I was going through the photos on my phone and realizing how quickly time is going by. I started to feel that ball of panic in my stomach but instead I kept scrolling. I took it in and let the tingles bring my limbs to life because this is it. It goes quickly when you’re living it the way you want to, and a fast-paced, awesome run is always better than a slow, miserable one.

Let’s be friends

by 14 Comments

Hi friends! I have noticed a few new faces around here and I thought I’d take a moment to reintroduce myself to those of you who don’t know much about me aside from my affinity for photographing myself and my huge lady crush on Shakira.
I’m a Florida native (and Gator fan!) who upped and moved to the West coast almost three months ago looking for adventures and that’s exactly what I’ve found here in the Bay Area. I’ve seen more naked people, creativity, freedom of expression, kindness and craziness in the past few months than I had after years of living in the 352.
I studied journalism in college, and despite the naysayers (myself being the main one, of course) I’m finally putting my degree to use. I have the best family ever (the kind that gets excited and passes the phone around when I call) and I miss them like crazy.
I run a lot, but not necessarily well. I’ve been jogging (with a soft “j”) since my high school cross country days and I’m currently training for my first full marathon. So if you follow me on InstaGram, you’re sure to see lots of sweaty selfies and #healthrelatedhashtags.
I take my pudgy sausage of a beagle mutt, Ziggy Stardust, running with me a lot. She’s pretty much the coolest dog around, even when she eats my hair and I then have to pull it out of her butt for her (TMI?). She paws my head until I let her crawl under the covers and yea, we spoon. Whatever.
Needless to say I’m single.
Sometimes I drink too much and my split personality disorder starts to kick in. That hot mess is called Rose, but you can read about her here. I also get epic hangovers, so I tried to contain her. I’m obsessed with music. Mix CDs are, in my opinion, the ultimate gift, right after concert tickets. 
I’m lactose intolerant and pretty bitter about it, so I spend a lot of time hunting down vegan pizzas and trying disgusting cheeses made of vegetables. 
Lastly, I’m super friendly and I want to know more about you, so please introduce yourself so we can be friends!

Thoughts I have while running..

by 10 Comments

“Man, I feel GOOD. I must be improving.”
“These songs are so perfect! Why do I have such great taste in music?!”
“It even smells good outside today!”
“Wow, I’m halfway already? I’m practically a Kenyan.”
“I hope no one sees me dancing.”
“Oh hey stud muffin, I see you over there waving!”
“Is this what a runner’s high feels like?”
“Running is so awesome.”
“I’m gonna look like Shak in no time.”
“I’m done already! Awesome, I think I’ll take Ziggy for a victory lap.”
“Cool, I have a cramp in the first mile.”
“How am I getting worse at running?!”
“An 11-minute mile???? I might as well be a peg-legged turtle.”
“How could I possibly think running when it’s 90 degrees out was a good idea?”
“I can smell my flesh burning.”
“I wonder if anyone has actually fried an egg on a sidewalk..”
“I don’t even know this song! Wtf? This is my music library!”
“WHO BOUGHT THESE SONGS?!”
“I have THE worst taste in music ever.”
“I can feel a blister coming in.”
“Really, dude? You’re honking at me right now? I look like a smashed up tomato.”
“How about you give me a ride instead of honking at me?”
“My sweat is burning my eyes. Eyebrows, YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!!”
“I think I’m gonna vom.”
“Running blows.”
“Ooooh a SHAKIRA song! She would run faster right now.”
“I can’t forget to take a sweaty selfie after this.”
“I shouldn’t have eaten right before this..”
“I can hear all the liquid sloshing around my insides right now.”
“Maybe this is what Kelis meant..”
“My stomach shake brings all the boys to the yard!”
“Oh shit, that guy just saw me dancing..”
“Vanessa Carlton! This is my jam! Wait, is it Michelle Branch?”
“Why are they the same person?”
“So many bikers! Get out of here. Think you’re cool with your wheels?”
“Whoa that chick is way faster than I am.”
“She probably just started. Maybe I should tell her I’m on mile 8..”
“Woo hoo, I’m done! I hope I’m #1 of my friends on Nike+..”
Here’s my Fitness in July calendar. I went ahead and added my long runs for each week so I wouldn’t forget and hopefully I’ll actually do them all. Anyone know of a Bay Area half the weekend of the 26th? If so, let’s do it.

Here are the videos I did so far:
Stars & Stripes
St. Tropez
Sleek & Slender Abs

Pinterest
Instagram
Tiktok