One to Nothin'

Things I learned at Bay to Breakers

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I learned some pretty important lessons this weekend, the first of which is drinking ridiculously strong margaritas on an empty stomach will result in Rose coming out at full force and let me tell you, Rose does not like taking photos or drinking water. I also learned that when Rose is out, she thinks her name is “Kens.” She’s wrong. Her name is Rose and she’s ridiculous.  Her refusal to eat or drink water results in a very sick Kensie the next day and therefore the rest of my lessons were learned on Sunday at SF’s annual Bay to Breakers race.
-When a big bear man reminds you to put sunscreen on because “you white people have to be careful,” you listen. Although he should’ve been there three hours later when I forgot to reapply.
-Dinosaur hats are not only fun but fun-ctional. My face was the only thing that did not turn very red and stingy by the end of the day.
-If your sister buys you blow-up dinosaurs, keep them always. They will come in very handy when you decide to go with a prehistoric theme for a ridiculous outdoor party race.
-Fireball whiskey tastes terrible when added to a mimosa, but it tastes pretty delish coming from a bearded flask.
-SF popos don’t like open containers. I didn’t know normal laws applied in this city. Good to know. Also good to have a champagne-spiked orange juice bottle with a cap.
-Only the most out of shape and least endowed gentlemen like to do Bay to Breakers naked. Unfortunate, really.
-I like the Little Mermaid much better as a muscular man.
-Shaking a mimosa-filled container is not an effective way of mixing unless you like delicious volcanoes.
-The more mimosas I drink, the less likely I am to whip out my phone and document epic costumes.
-Hand crafting dinosaur costumes is a lot more work than it would seem.
-Golden Gate Park is a great place for afternoon gymnastics.
-I’m not as strong as my alcohol-influenced self might think (I might’ve dropped someone mid piggy back ride).
-An English term for “put sunscreen on” is “let’s cream you up” which I found to be very hilarious.
Man, I love this city. 
What did you learn this weekend?
Linking up with Katie.

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

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Here’s a little Instagram recap for the week because it’s Friday and I’ve spent all day making a dinosaur hat, so clearly there has been no time to think of words. This week I caught my yoga fail on camera, put chia seeds on everything, started reading “Cat’s Cradle,” played with that sweet babe, ran a few times and ate like a caveman. I hope your week was equally productive. Here’s a throwback jam to get your weekend started.
Happy Friday!

My Typical Paleo Grocery List

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When I did the Whole30 for the first time (read all about it here), paleo was a totally different style of eating than I was used to. Up until that point I was dabbling more on the plant-based side of the food spectrum, experimenting with vegan recipes on this here blog on the regular, and handling meat made me pretty uncomfortable. For those of you who are unfamiliar, “paleo” is essentially just meat, fruit, veggies and good fats — no grains, dairy, sugars, legumes, etc. I decided to give it a try because my stomach is the worst and I quickly realized it made me feel much better. 
Starting out I was intimidated by the elaborate recipes of the internet and ingredients I didn’t know existed, but about two years later I think I’ve got a fairly good grip on it. I’m definitely not strictly paleo and I still don’t get crazy marinating meats and unfortunately I still don’t own a spiralizer, but the majority of the food I prepare for myself is essentially paleo. I have figured out a few combinations of fruits, veggies and proteins that I can arrange in various ways to make me happy throughout the week without spending money I don’t have or getting ridiculously bored. 
This is what a typical trip to the grocery store (a normal one with sales and stuff– I can’t afford to shop at Whole Foods) looks like for me.
Veggies:
Baby carrots — I generally get the giant bag because I feed half of it to my dog. Ziggy loves her some carrots and they make great crunchy snacks when you are missing chips and other crunchy carbs.
Asparagus — These bad boys don’t go bad very quickly, so the last bag I got lasted for, like, two weeks. They’re so tasty grilled or baked with just olive oil, salt and garlic powder. Asparagus in the can is also pretty delicious, but a much mushier consistency. I usually have several cans in my cupboard for when I’m feeling lazy.
Broccoli — Great for stir fry dishes, which I probably cook more than anything else because it’s so easy. I usually go for the pre-cut florets because they’re small, can be used to salads and honestly convenience is a big thing for me. It’s why I end up driving through Jack-in-the-Box at 2am.
Squash — Spaghetti squash and butternut squash are my go-tos. I’m not a fan of yellow squash, but I can’t get enough that bright orange butternut bad boy. They’re both a little high maintenance as far as prep goes, but one of either can last for several days if you just bake them and store them in the fridge and add a little “noodles” here and a little delicious side starch there.
Onions — I usually grab two or three yellow onions and sometimes some green onions too (mostly for garnish/quick omelette additions). I’m a huge fan, but I hate cutting them so I get it all over with one night and keep chopped onions in the fridge to throw into stuff throughout the week.
Sweet Peppers — I’ve noticed that green, red and yellow peppers are super pricy lately, so I’ve just buying mini-sweet peppers that come in a bag for, like, a dollar. They’re easy to prep and actually really delicious all by themselves.
Spinach — Baby spinach is usually my leaf of choice. I use it in my eggs, salads, sauteed as a side and whatever else I can throw it into before it gets slimy. Sometimes I pass though because it goes bad so quickly. Same goes for mushrooms — I love them, but as soon as they’re slimy they get thrown out and I hate wasting them.
Cherry Tomatoes — These guys last a long time and can be used for salads, sliced up on top of fish, salsas and all kinds of good stuff.
Sweet Potatoes — I prep about three at a time and keep them in the fridge to add to various proteins throughout the week. I’m a huge fan of adding sunny-side-up eggs to my sweet potatoes.
Fruits:
Bananas — I go through bananas like no other. If you’re like me and hate when they start getting brown, you can turn them into paleo “pancakes” by combining one ripe banana with two eggs. That’s it! It works really well, like, every third try.
Apples — Never Red Delicious. I hate them, hard. They should be called Red Disgusting.
Strawberries — I don’t always stock up on strawberries because they also tend to go bad quickly, but they’re great for salads, smoothies and snacks.
Oranges — I like that these guys have a long shelf life. They’re a fun breakfast addition. 
Raspberries — Only if I’m feeling saucy because I know I’m just going to eat them all in one sitting. That’s kind of the opposite of what you’re supposed to do while paleo-ing it up.
Protein:
Frozen Fish — As I’ve mentioned a few times, I don’t get around to cooking things right away so the frozen fish section is perfect for me. I usually grab wild caught sockeye salmon fillets and something mild like tilapia. 
Boneless Chicken Thighs — I usually cook all of these at the same time splitting them up into normal baked chicken for salads leaving the other half for stir fry-type dishes.
Ground Beef — Be sure to pay attention where it came from (you don’t want your meat doused in ammonia), but I love ground beef for paleo tacos and omelets. 
Sausage — The breakfast and the Italian kind. Super easy to throw on top of sauteed peppers and onions. I like to add mustard too.
Bacon — It’s probably not the healthiest thing I consume regularly, but I love me some bacon. Wrap it around some asparagus or scallops and you’ll feel like the best chef ever.
Eggs — Lots and lots of eggs. Preferably of the free-range, hormone-free variety. Sometimes I’ll buy two dozen and boil one of them to add to salads and what not for lunch or to grab for a quick on-the-go breakfast. See my homage to eggs here.
Other Aisles:
Sprayable Extra Virgin Olive Oil — I have regular kind as well, but the sprayable kind is so convenient. I don’t use butter for anything (although ghee or clarified butter is lactose-free and technically paleo) so I use a lot of olive oil for everything from eggs to squash to fish.
Unrefined Coconut Oil — Usually pretty pricy, but it lasts forever. Also, if you’ve never handled it before just know that it’s normal for it to be solid until you lower its temperature. This was really confusing to me at first. Woops. I use this for sweeter dishes like “fried” bananas, paleo pancakes and some fish dishes.
Nut Butter — Peanuts are off-limits with paleo, but almond butter is of my favorites. Watch out for added sugars though, tons of nut butters have a bunch of added sugars (that’s what makes them soo good). Sometimes I add coconut oil to my almond butter and dip apple slices in it. So delicious.
Canned Coconut — The kind where coconut is the only ingredient. I use this as coffee creamer, dessert and for curries.
Spaghetti Sauce — Check the labels. Sometimes it’ll take a while, but there are some sugar-free ones that exist. This makes paleo spaghetti super easy — just add meat and throw it on top of the spaghetti squash.
Pickles — I’m a big fan of the garlic, always-refrigerated ones and the adorable tiny ones. I despise the sweet ones and I’m pretty sure they are loaded with sugar anyway, so get out of here, sandwich pickles!
Capers — I’m obsessed with capers.
Chopped Garlic — Because I’m too lazy to chop it myself.
Seasonings — Garlic powder, onion powder, salt, pepper, cayenne, cinnamon and Italian seasonings are my go-tos. I generally have to go out and buy specific ones that recipes call for, but these are the ones I throw on everything.
Coconut Aminos — Soy is off-limits with paleo (although I break this one all the time), so coconut aminos is a really great substitute. Much healthier and still delicious.
Sriracha — I’m obsessed. Me and everyone else.
Mustard — I like the brown, spicy kind. There’s, like, nothing in mustard and yet it adds so much flavor. I love it.
Beverages:
Coffee — I’m a big coffee drinker so I was excited to learn that it wasn’t off-limits, however, all the stuff I put in it was. I started putting pure canned coconut in it and learned to love it. See that struggle here.
Tea — When you are used to drinking sodas and flavor-packed things, water can seem crazy boring and even just the slightly bitter herbal taste of tea seems delightful (even to a sweet tea drinker like myself). It takes a while to get used to, but it can be really fun trying different flavors of hot teas and iced ones alike. I have chocolate and chili pepper teabags in my cupboard right now.
Coconut Water — This stuff is expensive, but when I first did the Whole30 it was essential. I haven’t bought it in a long time because of the cost, but it was good for getting myself off of Coke Zero and insanely sweet drinks. Some people hate it though, so be sure to try a small one before investing in a monster carton.
Tip:
Don’t even walk through the bread section. That smell gets significantly stronger the longer you go without it. You have been warned.

I’m sure there are tons of items I forgot to add, but this list got out of control. Hopefully if you’re just starting out on your paleo journey this will be helpful to you. If you’ve been at it for a while, please share your go-to paleo groceries!

True Meanings Behind Popular Hashtags

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If you’ve ever been on Instagram, Twitter or even Facebook, you’ve probably come across a pound sign or two placed before seemingly meaningless words. If you’re web savvy (read: under 80 years old), you have probably noticed that these hashtags turn into hyperlinks and show you other clever web users who have chosen to emphasize those same sequences of letters. Although some of these abbreviations are self-explanatory (with the help of Google anyway), there is a whole secret thought process happening behind these hyperlinked words themselves and I’m here to reveal it to you. These are the true meanings behind popular hashtags on the interwebz. Enjoy.

#blessed — It’s not bragging since I’m giving credit to the big guy, but just to be clear, my life is better than yours.
#nofilter — Basic bitches may need a filter to look hot, but this is real beauty right here. Be jealous.
#smh — This is something disgraceful or semi-funny due to its pathetic nature. I’m above it, but I’m posting it anyway. For your benefit.
#selfie — At least I’m self-aware.
#OOTD — I didn’t wear sweatpants today, so obviously my outfit must be documented.
#popular — This means I’ll be on the popular page, right? Right?? (LOVE ME)
#WOD — I spend a lot of money on supplements and if you don’t know what a box jump is then GET OUT.
#L4L — I have 1,000+ followers. I know none of them nor do I want to. (SPAM ME)
#turndownforwhat — It’s my birthday. I’m drunk. I’m taking a half-naked selfie.
#turndownforwhatttt — All of the above orrrr I’m using it ironically as I watch the Lizzie McGuire Movie.
#turndownfor*insert pun* — I’m up on pop culture and so damn witty you can’t stand it. I tend to use hashtags as the punchline as opposed to making my post accessible to a wider variety of people and I’m way too hip to actually use hashtags for their intended purpose.
#igers — I have no friggin idea, but I keep seeing it everywhere so maybe it’ll get me more likes.
#eatclean — I never eat dirty food. Five second rule, bitches. What is kale?
#foodporn — I want more likes on this food photo even though it looks like baby vomit.
#longhairdontcare — I take great pride in my hair and therefore care a great deal. Tell me how pretty it is and do it with emojis or move on. I’m over you.
#lovehim — My boyf did something nice today. MUST document immediately so everyone is jealous (no one has to know this is the first time he bought me flowers in the past five years). Maybe I should add #blessed too.
#sorrynotsorry — This is offensive but IDGAF. (I kind of do though, which is why I’m apologizing.. kind of).
#I don’t #know..(continues rest of sentence with random words behind hashtags) — I don’t understand how hashtags work. (Go home, Instagram user, you’re drunk.)
#Ican’teven — see above. Search that bad boy and all you’ll see is #ican.
No hashtags — I have so many followers that I’ll get a significant amount of likes regardless of the hashtag sitch. OR I don’t know what hashtags are.
#Imjustgonnasquishabunchofwordstogetherlolz — I know that probably no one else in the history of Instagram/Twitter has used this hashtag before and that’s why it’s funny. Maybe I should click it just to see..?
I’m guilty of at least 50% of these. What’s your position on hashtags?

Namaste or whatever

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You know how sometimes your hormones make you want to punch a puppy or ugly cry into your pillow? Well, I will regret doing either of those things, so I’m looking at this picture and pretending I’m still sitting on that swing staring into Lake Tahoe feeling high off of the altitude, beautiful view and all-day sun exposure. Chill bumps rising with the wind and the stomach fuzzies emanating from unknown territory. The thrill of not knowing the future is such a lovely thrill sometimes. I’m gonna go eat chocolate, lay in the shower, feel sorry for myself, do yoga.

Filed Under: pms

Things I learned this weekend

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1. Grainy mirror selfies get more likes on Instagram than donuts and sushi individually, but not combined.
2. A lacy LC dress can double as a 20s flapper dress if you’ve got the right shoes.
3. Immersive plays are freaking incredible, but impossible to document when the immersion includes transporting the audience to a Speakeasy where iPhones are not yet invented.
4. They didn’t play around with their cocktails in the 1920s — I guess I knew that already because drinking during prohibition was probably like drinking before 21.
5. When wearing heels (out) for the first time in over a year, it’s a fantastic idea to bring a spare set of flip flips in your purse, you know, for when you’re transported back to 2014.
6. When you’re hung over and have a dog to attend to, Pringles and Arizona tea make a perfectly acceptable breakfast.
7. No one will charge you a $250 fee if you stick said breakfast in your purse before hopping on the train.
8. If there’s a maple bacon donut in your proximity, it’s essential that you buy and consume it immediately (even if there is a crazy man showing you his belly button and yelling “tu!” in your face — persevere!)
9. I am most comfortable buying, cooking and eating breakfast meats. I am never without bacon and sausage, but other carnivorous delicacies are nowhere to be found.
10. Lattes are more fun to drink when they have fun designs swirled into them. Whatever, I already knew that, too.
11. The San Jose Earthquakes put on an exciting/stressful soccer game.
12. Catching up with a friend you haven’t seen since middle school requires more than 2 hours of allotted time (but so fun!).
13. Keds become significantly less comfortable after walking miles around San Francisco in them. Without socks.
14. I suck at doing normal things (*cough* blogging *cough*) when I have a busy weekend.
What did you learn this weekend? Go link up with Katie!
imyourkatieque

I dare you

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Along with my salads, cardio and strength training, I’ve been eating dark chocolate all week. Do not let my Tone It Up enthusiasm fool you, friends. I am pretty excited, however, to say that I ran twice this week and I’ve been sore just about every day from TIU work outs. Also, that was one dank salad. Chia seeds should be in salads always. There’s Ziggy licking her nose and a list of things I’m grateful for as a response to this challenge. Basically I’m feeling fired up, motivated and super excited for this weekend, so instead of rambling on I will leave you with two of my favorite things in one video: truth or dare and Shakira (duh). A beautiful 3 minutes and 13 seconds of pure bliss.  

Now go back that azz up with Whitney. Happy Friday!

Why I Don’t Miss Florida

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This post is inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, Nadine — she listed all the reasons she doesn’t miss California after moving to the East coast. While I think she’s insane (considering I made the opposite move a year ago), it made me laugh and got me thinking about all the things I do not miss about the Sunshine State. Don’t get me wrong, the things I do miss (read: my family, friends, ocean water that’s not freezing) are important too, but here are the things I don’t:
Humidity – I know everyone whines about the humidity in Florida, but it’s real and it’s virtually nonexistent in Northern California. I can pretty much curl my hair any day of the year, not apply hairspray and it will still be a springy, mostly frizz-free masterpiece by the end of the day. When I go home to visit, I forget about this little detail and leave my hair product free just to catch a glimpse in the mirror of my shiny face and flat, frizzy ghost of what was once a high-maintenance hairdo. Also, running in hot humidity might just be worse than running up hills. Real talk.
Bugs – Mosquitos love humidity. Mosquitos also love me. I almost peed my pants when I realized I could sit outside on a summer night on the West coast without having my limbs cannibalized by blood thirsty insects. It’s not just mosquitos either, I rarely find spiders, cockroaches or any other bugs I used to come across on a daily basis. I think I’ve taken down two spiders in my apartment in the past nine months and both of them were smaller than most of the cockroaches in Florida. Remember that time I found a giant frog in my toilet? The worst creatures I come across these days are snails and actually they’re just kind of cute and pathetic.
Dairy – Florida loves their cow milk, y’all. It’s really, really difficult to eat an entire meal without at least a little butter sneaking in there to eff your day up. This might just be a delicious side note for most people, but my severely lactose intolerant stomach does not appreciate the fact that even large coffee chains like Dunkin Donuts don’t carry a non-dairy creamer option. For the most part I forego coffee back home unless I can find a Starbucks, whereas every coffee establishment I’ve ever visited in CA has had multiple non-dairy options (soy, almond, coffee-mate) not to mention all the fully vegan restaurants that hook me up with pizza on the reg–but now I’m just bragging.
Alligators – When kayaking or tubing down a river, it’s pretty commonplace to come within uncomfortable proximity of a gator or two or three. While I grew up around these guys and don’t really think twice about them, it recently occurred to me how terrifying they would be to someone who has never seen one before. They’re basically dinosaurs hanging out in the water with you as you float along defenselessly drinking your Natty Light out of a floating cooler. The only creatures I come across in the water around here are sea lions and, again, cute and pathetic. 
Armadillos – If you’ve ever driven at night in Florida, you know how armadillos just meander into the road like it ain’t no thang. The only warning is the glowing beady eyes you see in your headlights the half second before you feel the enormous thump under your tires. You see so many armadillos on the side of the road that you just become completely unfazed by it, but that thump under your tires is truly terrifying, especially when you’re driving by yourself along empty roads late at night.
Bipolar Weather – Don’t get me wrong, I do love a good thunderstorm every once in a while, but the weather in the “sunshine state” is baffling sometimes. It’ll be pouring down rain for five minutes and totally bright and sunny the next. This happens many, many times in just 24 hours and renders planning trips to the beach/river/lake useless. CA may be in a severe drought right now, but at least I know that sunny days will generally stay that way long enough to take a day trip somewhere and when it does rain, it does so all day. I can adjust my emotions far more evenly with such predictability.
Liquor Laws – At least in the area of Florida I grew up in, you couldn’t buy liquor on any day after 11pm, not at all on Sundays and said liquor had to be purchased from a store specifically for that purpose. Here we buy our liquor at grocery stores, gas stations and convenience stores at any and all times of the day. I promise I don’t drink that much liquor, but you don’t realize how inconvenient such laws are until you suddenly really need some Fireball at 9am on a Sunday, amIright?
News Stories – I recently read a HuffPost article that listed this as one of the best things about living in Florida, but I beg to differ. Some of the most ridiculous news stories there are come right out of my home state. From horrible high-profile cases like Casey Anthony and Trayvon Martin to gross ones like Cannibalism and Mother-Daughter Porn Duos and, of course, the beautiful ones that come right out of my hometown like the pantsless woman who stole boxed wine from a Publix and the donkey molester. These stories give us Floridians a reputation and it’s not as endearing at the HuffPost might make it seem.
Are you on either coast? Which do you prefer? 

What I Wore

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Top: Target / Pants: A&F / Rings & CA Necklace: Fifth & Mae / Other Jewels: Gifted
Aside from the translucent skin, freckles, scarce use of the word “literally” and devastatingly low net worth, I could totally be a Kardashian, right? That just leaves the donk, I think. The similarities end there. I’m okay with that. I’m beyond conflicted about the high waisted/crop top trends. Do you want to know how many times I’ve shown off my belly button without first slathering it with sunscreen and jumping into a body of water? These photos were the second time, the first was when I actually wore this outfit out in LA — which means that yes, I put on this outfit to stand dramatically in front of my book shelf and pose for my tripod. Just living the life, you guys. And what exactly distinguishes high waisted jeans from mom jeans? I’m just wondering because I don’t want to be the one wearing mom jeans while fashion designers all snort espresso through their noses at their douchey practical joke. Oh, and on the subject of fashionable pranks, jelly shoes are back in. This is not a drill. Go stock up on that shiz. What are your thoughts on the high bottoms/short tops trends?
Linking up here.
PS: Thank you for the wonderful comments yesterday. I love you guys long time.

very emotion, much feel

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I have flipped through so many emotions in the past few weeks, from crippling anxiety and severe feelings of inadequacy to intense excitement and inexplicable hopefulness. I tend to flip through emotions a lot. It can be truly obnoxious, but then it’s nice to know that the moments of despair probably won’t last long. At the worst I’ll have myself a good shower cry and fall asleep thinking about regrets, missed opportunities and unfair life comparisons just to wake up grateful for the sun, the sky and the sweetest baby face there is.
Sometimes I wonder why I decided to make things harder for myself. Moving to California wasn’t the smartest move literally or figuratively: I moved away from a part-time job in the exact field I majored in that probably would’ve turned into a full-time one, a relationship that actually seemed promising, my entire family who love and support me in so many ways and away from the only state I’ve ever known and right into the grips of the most expensive one possible.
April 19th marked my one year anniversary of living in the Golden State and while looking back at the pictures and memories made in the past 12 months makes me immensely happy, it hasn’t been easy. No, I never went hungry or slept on the floor of a sketchy hostel or anything, but not having a group of friends to hit happy hour with, family to celebrate holidays with or anyone to cuddle with besides Ziggy has been tough. On the one hand, I’ve never felt more independent in my life. I pay my own rent, I am responsible for taking my dog to the vet and doing my taxes, I’ve proven to myself that I don’t need a man to feel whole, but I thought I would find answers and I’m just as lost as I was before.
I’ve mentioned the many breakdowns I’ve had in relation to my career on here and I certainly haven’t let on the extent of my breakdowns in matters of the heart, but they’ve been hovering in the background I assure you. It seems that I can never quite get it together and I’d like to think it’s because I’m not willing to settle, but maybe I’m just afraid. Afraid of letting go of my old life, afraid of tying myself to a place so far away from the people who love me the most and afraid of moving on. There have been moments in the past year where I felt like everything was exactly where it was supposed to be. My dream job, my dream guy and all while living in my dream location. I felt like moving here was my destiny and just by listening to my heart, I had found exactly what I had come here for.
Turns out, for the most part, I was wrong. There have been times when I felt like packing my dog into my car and just driving until I reached the Sunshine State so I could hug my mom and feel safe. There have been times when I thought of moving to a new state completely and just continuing my exploration of the US. There have been times when I’ve been so overwhelmed that I just lay in my bed instead of making any effort to move forward. And then there are times when I realize the truth.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter what my job or love life looks like right now. The truth is, just being here and experiencing this place, the good and the bad, is exactly what I needed and still need right now. I’m not ready to settle down in any sense. I’m not ready to start a family or be in a position where I work 40 hours a week in an office where I can’t see the hills outside for the next 10 years. I want to travel the world, I want to go on terrible first dates, I want to be selfish, I want to live right now so when I am ready for that ring, that mortgage, that family, that complete selflessness, I can write. I want to have stories for my grandkids and not just stories about that small town I was born in.
This is my adventure and the uncertainty, confusion and craziness of it is what makes it an adventure. One day I will figure it out. I’ll find my dream job, my dream guy and my dream home, but right now, this is my dream. Sometimes dreams are scary.

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