One to Nothin'

Fun things!

by Leave a Comment

Wow, so that last post was a bit a downer, am I right? Let’s talk about some fun things today! It’s my birthweek and I’m going camping/tubing down the river this weekend to celebrate. I’m SO excited to spend time outdoors, in the water, and without screens. But if you’re looking for some entertainment, here are some of the things I’ve been buying, listening to, watching, reading, etc. 

  • Over 80 amazing artists, one incredible coloring book, all because Families Belong Together 
  • This man INVENTED a surgery that cured his chronic illness.
  • New-agey, funny, raunchy, sometimes totally over the top, but I can’t get enough of this podcast (I’m even weirdly into most of the sponsor plugs).
  • And speaking of podcasts, this story about cases that have been turned around through the power of crowd-sourcing was fascinating to me (I was a late-convert to Serial, but I’m veryyyy invested now).
  • I’m obsessed with Lizzo and Tiny Desk Concerts, so this is perfection.
  • The other day we bought lactose-free vanilla ice cream and fancy root beer. When was the last time YOU had a root beer float just for funsies? Now I just need these for next time.
  • I bought this five-minute journal a while back, but I think it’s time to make it a habit .
  • Just started using Rent The Runway because #weddingszn but I’m loving it so far! 
  • If you haven’t been following along with the Gloria Sparks music videos by The Lumineers, you’re missing out. It’s not cheerful, but I think they’re some of the most innovative music videos out there right now (ICYMI I’m 100% obsessed with the ways their last album’s music videos overlapped with each other too) 
  • Congrats to Lil Nas! This makes me so happy.
  • Just finished the newest season of Stranger Things(!!!) after rewatching the first two seasons for J’s benefit, but it was helpful to remember what all went down. So if you haven’t stolen someone else’s Netflix login yet, what are you waiting for?
  • And on the Amazon Prime front, FLEABAG! Gah. I’ve cried in almost every episode (you probably won’t, I cry a lot), but it’s hilarious and heart breaking and I only just finished season one. Excited to start season 2. 
  • Then just to round it out on the HBO side of things: who else finished Big Little Lies Season 2 already? Let’s discuss. Finally, if you don’t watch Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, you’re doing life wrong (he plays Zazu’s voice in the new Lion King and crushes it). 
  • This incredible lady draws oh-so-relatable-emotional illustrations and this guy makes music, is hilarious, and just finished 500 drawings in 500 days.
  • I was recently gifted this crazy (dirty-looking) facial tool at work and I’m VERY excited to try it out.
  • I’m currently reading Educated by Tara Westover. I’m so intrigued and infuriated at the same time. 
  • OBSESSED with this sunscreen (and I attended a talk with the founder a few weeks ago—she’s making sure elementary school classrooms are stocked with Supergoop SPF to keep kiddos’ skin safe at recess, aka I love the entire brand).
  • Favorite purchase for summer so far.
What fun things have you been enjoying lately? 

How do you deal with anxiety?

by Leave a Comment

Anxiety.
The other day I was talking with my friend (who has been dealing with myriad health problems and has been through a lot in the past couple years) about anxiety. I started to tell her about it, but not before prefacing with, “I know it’s a buzz-word lately, but…” to which she stopped me immediately and asked what I meant by that. She’s good like that. 
I think what I meant was there’s a huge different between having an anxiety disorder and feeling anxious sometimes, and I know the two can go hand-in-hand, but when it’s mental health month and suddenly every influencer known to man finally feels brave enough to say they struggle with anxiety, well, it makes me hesitant. That being said, there’s a huge difference between getting anaphylactic shock from dairy and being lactose intolerant, but that doesn’t stop me from whining when my stomach explodes from accidental cheese consumption…
…I digress. 
As a person who only used to really understand anxiety in the context of “social anxiety,” it’s new, it’s weird, I hate it, and I’m not sure how to handle it. Maybe it’s finally having a name for the feeling, maybe it’s staring at my phone all the time, maybe it’s growing up, or maybe it’s because I’ve been through a lot of shit lately, but whatever the reason, it’s quite disruptive.
Here are some of the normal-not-new-things that have sent me into full-on fight or flight mode lately:
  • A water bottle top popping off on a train ride
  • A man yelling BEAUTIFUL WOMAN at me while I was on a run
  • Something sparking on the train track (I thought it was a bomb)
  • Someone jiggling my door handle (it was my roommate)
  • A fire alarm at work
  • Driving pretty much anywhere that has traffic
  • Having two periods a month for, like, eight months
  • Reading the news
Here are some shitty things that are not so normal that also sent me to a dark place:
  • Nia Wilson was stabbed to death at my train stop one year ago
  • Someone trying to steal my car (bled on my seat, still has the spare key, smashed the window)
  • Someone who rented my car on Getaround smoking INSIDE my car and denting it in several places
  • My dentist knocking my crown off at a routine cleaning
  • Being told I had to get a root canal because of said knocking out of my tooth
  • Spending approximately every other week at the dentist for about three months straight
  • Realizing it was Mike’s 30th birthday and I couldn’t call him
  • Reading the news
Sooo yea, that combined with days where I want to cry (and often do) uncontrollably, have no energy or will to clean my room even though looking at the mess makes me want to cry more, neglecting exercise for MANY months, etc. etc… 
Cue obsessive problem-solving in the face of an issue. In the past I’ve dealt with a loss of control by taking control of something, no matter how small, like doing a cleanse, training for a marathon, redoing my bedroom, or focusing on self-care even when it meant dropping $80 a month on mani/pedis (I’ve always said that self awareness is sexy…), but no amount of manicures helped and I’d inevitably end up binge drinking and blowing money on overpriced dinners any time a coworker would ask. That’s not to say I don’t still find myself doing that from time to time, but I’ve been trying other things. 
One, I did a workout challenge in June. This was admittedly mostly because of weight gained during the aforementioned binge drinking and eating of my feelings and the fact that I was about to be on a boat in a bikini with all my best friends from college who also happen to look like supermodels… but it resulted in much more than more confidence in photos. I remembered how important exercise has been to me ever since I was 14, and looking back it probably saved me from falling into a deep, dark hole on a lot of occasions. In fact, the other thing that’s kept me sane over the years has been writing. First a journal that I kept religiously and then this blog. I exercised and wrote this blog less in the past year than ever before. They may seem like small things, but I think they added up to much more than I realized.
Two, I started looking for help. I did a therapy consultation to get matched up with my soul-therapist, which was fantastic until I realized it would cost $200 a session, so I went back to the drawing board. I called about 10 different offices in my insurance network and the first person who was actually taking patients stood me up on our first session. Not off to a great start, but it fully got worse. She was ancient, she was judgy, and she couldn’t hear me because her hearing aid was dying… I didn’t go back. I certainly haven’t given up on talk therapy, but the whole experience was extremely overwhelming and I’m still trying to find the answer.
Three, I started acupuncture, regular yoga practice (which includes a lot of intention setting and meditation), and having open, honest conversations with friends about things like anxiety, overwhelm, depression, financial stresses, etc. It’s been incredible to see how many people are going through the exact same shit, but are too afraid to bring it up. Finally, I’m more open than ever to podcasts, blog posts, articles, and new-agey stuff that could possibly offer some sense of relief or camaraderie. If you have any suggestions, please send them to me.
It’s a work in progress. 

Some days I worry that I’m making the wrong face for the conversation I’m having, panic when someone slams a door, snap at the people around me, and lacerate myself for being ungrateful when I have so much. 
But some days I feel really good and whole and grateful. When I do, I try to think of what all I did leading up to that day and how to recreate it. Lately it’s looked like cutting down on alcohol, eating vegetables, working out, and spending time with the people I love. 
And now, I’m adding this whole journaling thing back into the equation. Here’s to hoping it helps. 
Have you struggled with anxiety? Let’s chat. We’re in this together.

#OTNTravels First Half of 2019

by Leave a Comment


FRIENDS! We’re already halfway through 2019, and I’m less than a month from turning 30! Both of these facts are blowing my damn mind. Y’all don’t even know how many blog posts I’ve started and not finished in the past six months (and beyond). There are so many NOT fun things that have happened and topics that I want to cover eventually, but right now I think the easiest (and most fun) thing to do is recap the #OTNTravels I’ve done so far. So let’s just take a little trip down memory lane (since we all know I don’t blog in real time anymore). 

JANUARY
After spending Christmas in Florida, I drove up near Tahoe to spend New Year’s Eve in a friend’s cabin with a whole crew of amazing people. We hiked, told ghost stories, took turns cooking (when no open restaurants were to be found), wore capes, and counted down to 2019 under the stars. It was magical.
FEBRUARY
My friend was about to move to Austin, TX and since she’s already made the CA-to-TX drive several times, I volunteered to drive her car across the country for her because road trips are kind of my thing. Jason (oh hey, that’s my boyfriend ICYMI) and I used it as an opportunity to drive through all our dream destinations. We went from Joshua Tree, CA to Arizona to New Mexico to Texas to Louisiana where we met up with my family. This road trip deserves its own post, but unclear whether that will ever happen, so here’s a one-second-at-a-time video of the trip from start to finish (not shown, but it started with a flat tire and several dead car batteries)
MARCH
One of my best (and most extra) friends from work turned 30 and consequently rented a MANSION in Palm Springs for his birthday. It was one of the most amazing, craziest, drag queeniest weekends of my life. I loved every minute of it. 

APRIL
Jason’s birthday was in April and to celebrate we went camping in Yosemite where the rainbows were OUT OF CONTROL (and his last name just so happens to be Rainbow, so you can imagine how much fun I had writing Instagram captions). We ate s’mores, took Ziggy on trails she wasn’t supposed to be on, prayed we wouldn’t be eaten by wild animals in the middle of the night, and practically swam through rainbows on every hike. 


ALL THE NAPA TRIPS
My roommate, boo, and I all bought Cellar Passes where you get free tastings at select wineries all over Napa for six months. There were about 30 different wineries to choose from, and since Elizabeth is practically a sommelier, she organized an itinerary for us approximately once a month. It was SUCH a win. We probably got about 10x our money’s worth with all our fancy AF trips. I highly recommend the wine passport for anyone who’s local (or even if you’re just visiting and plan on doing more than three tastings).

MAY
For Memorial Day I flew to Florida to spend the long weekend in St. Augustine with my sister and her friends. We played in the (WARM!) ocean, did late-night-drunken yoga, found alligators, explored historic downtown St. Augustine, and even hung out in Silver Springs with my parents. It was so much fun, but I honestly cried on the plane ride home because the trip was too short and I miss those crazies ALL THE TIME. 


I finally stayed put in June (and focused on working out every single day), and I just got back from Maryland for my little’s bachelorette party (we captured so much epic content that I’d like to dedicate a whole post to it. Hold me to it?) But I’m happy to report that the second half of 2019 is going to include international trips(!!!) and some of my favorite people in the world’s weddings. The best is yet to come.

Where have you travelled to so far in 2019? 

Let’s talk about books, baby

by Leave a Comment

Dudes, I’m obsessed with Goodreads. I ask questions about books on there, I update my progress, I set goals, I find books to read, I get stoked when I can switch a book from “currently reading” to “finished.” It’s the most underrated social network IMO. The one thing I don’t do is leave detailed reviews. It’s never been my thing, but I do like talking about books sooo I’m going to stick to my noncommittal, 5-second review technique on this roundup of books I’ve consumed since the last time I did this (it’s been a while—check out my old book posts here, here, here, here). And if you wanna discuss any of them specifically, let me know in the comments. I still have a LOT of unanswered questions on a few of them.

Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie — I hadn’t read the story this one was based off of, but it won the women’s prize for fiction in 2018, so I gave it a read. It started out kind of confusing and convoluted, but things started to come together and I couldn’t put it down until I was done and then I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It’s about an immigrant family and it’s not a happy story. LMK if you read it. Would still very much like to talk through this one with somebody. 
Becoming by Michelle Obama — God, I miss the Obamas. I was captivated, inspired, nostalgic and mesmerized by her soothing, maternal voice narrating the audiobook. 
The Other Woman by Sandie Jones — NO. Just no. Do not recommend. Except I do because I want someone else to read it so we can discuss all the GD plot holes in it. WHY IS NO ONE ELSE OUTRAGED ABOUT THIS? The Reese Witherspoon book club really let me down with this one.
Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur — This extremely popular book of poems has been all over Instagram forever, but I finally read it on a plane and welled up many times. It’s deep, beautiful, graphic, all the feels.
Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington — If you’ve ever wondered how much is too much booze (idk about you, but for me it’s a huge part of work events, friend outings, celebrations, and even taking the edge off when I’m reaaal down) this is an interesting take on being sober without BEING sober. 
The Golden Compass by Phillip Pullman — Meh. I listened on audiobook and kept dazing off. I finished it, but I think I only absorbed like 70% of it. 
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens — I loved everything about this book, from the descriptions of the swamp to the untamed spirit of the main character to the mystery to the love story. 
One Day in December by Josie Silver — lol. I read this over Christmas break and even though it’s extremely cheesy and cliche and ripped right out of the plot of Love Actually, it was v enjoyable and still gave me feels at the end.
Tell Me Three Things by Julie Buxbaum — This was the cutest. I’m a sucker for High School stories. Makes me nostalgic, and this one was quite well done and pretty light hearted (which is necessary sometimes, man). 
Burying the Honeysuckle Girls by Emily Carpenter — Blah. I think this one had a lot of potential but the author was just too afraid to actually make anything happen. I was super drawn in at first (I love when there’s a bit of magic wound into an otherwise regular-degular story) but I was let down over and over again. 
Let’s Pretend this Never Happened by Jenny Lawson — I used to read and look up to The Bloggess so much back in the early days of blogging, so it was really fun to finally get to this one. Jenny reads the audiobook and she’s a mess in the best way possible (I really love when people come from quirky families, I can’t imagine why).
P.S. I Still Love You by Jenny Han — I mean we all loved the first one, right? This one’s equally cute. If you haven’t watched “To All The Boys I Loved Before” on Netflix, get on it. 
Egomaniac by Vi Keeland — On a very different, filthy note… I signed up for the Audible romance package? I have no idea. Anyway, that’s where this one came from and it’s not a good story by any means, but if you’re just trying to get steamy, do it. 
Maybe in Another Life by Taylor Jenkins Reid — Basically the rom-com version of The Butterfly Effect. Meh. 

Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn — Was I the last person to read this? There’s a show for it now and I couldn’t get through the first episode. This book is dark (sometimes unnecessarily so) but such a captivating mystery. My only complaint is how EVERYTHING is revealed in the last few pages. Seems like she was just over it and wanted to be done.
Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng — It took me a long time to remember what this book was about. I feel like that’s a bad sign. 
The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas — This one broke my heart over and over again. I had to take several breaks while reading it. It’s really well written in an easy-to-understand, high school level but so important, especially for people who have never experienced and may not understand police brutality.
Something in the Water by Catherine Steadman — I have questions about this one. I was definitely intrigued and wanted to solve the mystery, but it all just seemed so unprobable. And I didn’t really like any of the characters… ¯_(ツ)_/¯
The Wife Between Us by Greer Henkricks — which is a pen-name because two women wrote this book together and it shows. I have many questions on this one as well, but like they probably do too? 
Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate — This is a novel diving into the corruption in high profile adoption agencies that *actually* happened. It made me so angry, but I also loved the story. Highly recommend.
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls — Also highly recommend this one. I had no idea it was a true story until the end because it’s SO INSANE. I was thoroughly entertained (and as usual a bit heartbroken) throughout. You just have to read it. 
How Not to Die by Michael Greger — Apparently eating animals is killing us? Idk, I was into it enough to try being vegan for a couple weeks and my stomach was SO pissed off. Still interesting to read and learn about all the case studies where many diseases have literally been cured with plants. If nothing else it encouraged me to eat A LOT more veggies.

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcom Gladwell — Very interesting and upsetting. This is a true neuroscience/psychology book that gives insight into everything from facial expressions that give you away to tunnel vision that results in shooting an innocent person many times. 
It Ends with Us by Colleen Hoover — I was entertained and heartbroken. This one definitely left that ughhhh why though? feeling.
I think that about sums it up. I’m now reading Middlesex on paperback (which I’ve been trying to finish for like five years) and Nine Perfect Strangers on audiobook. BTW I started using Scribd and put my Audible subscription on hold. So far so good. I definitely recommend it if you plow through audiobooks and find yourself wishing you had more than one per month (and it’s cheaper than Audible somehow, you just don’t get to keep the audiobooks once you cancel, but I’m not one to listen to the same book twice so it’s not an issue for me). 

What have you been reading? Do you have recommendations? Can we discuss any of the above? TALK BOOKS W ME PLZ.
 I’m reaaaally not OK with The Other Woman…

What a year

by Leave a Comment

My 2018 beginning in March, as shown in 1-2 seconds per day

It occurred to me that aside from the travel journal accrued during my solo trip to Vietnam, there weren’t all that many personal posts in 2018 or 2017 for that matter. I took on a few sponsored posts here and there because I wanted something to keep me blogging when it felt like the last thing I wanted to do. I enjoyed them, but a lot of life stuff happened in between them and reflection has always kinda been my thing. So here goes.  
I got promoted.
I mourned a relationship I knew I shouldn’t have been in to begin with.
I travelled to Asia for the first time on my scariest, coolest, most self-discovery-est solo trip yet.
I wrote a lot of copy and a little bit of my novel.
I started my online dating journey with an amazing first date and promptly friend-zoned him after the second.
I rang in 2018 with some of my closest friends in NYC.
I became really close with my new-at-the-time roommates.
I stoked an old flame and felt the familiar burn I often confuse with warmth. 
I found some of my closest friends who also happen to be my coworkers.
I drank a lot of fancy wine in Napa.
I read my journal I hadn’t touched in four years and saw the same names I still heard myself speaking on a regular basis. 

I decided to write a new story and finally let go.
I went on a bunch of terrible dates and a couple good ones that ended in ways that made me question my judgement (and society). Then a bunch more bad ones. 
I started to doubt every relationship decision I’d ever made.
I learned that someone opened fire at my old high school where my nephews are students (no one was killed, thank god).
I travelled all over the US—New York, Vegas, Utah, Colorado, San Diego, Seattle, but my favorite was when I surprised my parents in Florida for Mothers Day (watch the full video here—skip to 3:40 for the reactions).
I read 30 books.
I reached out to that one amazing first date and we went on a second amazing first date. I’ve lost track of which date we’re on now.
I voted.
I saw a ton of concerts.
I helped launch a brand-new program at work and flew to LA basically every two weeks. 
I found out one of my best friends passed away on one of those LA trips and learned what grieving in an Uber, airport, and airplane feels like. 
I missed meetings, had a panic attack in a bathroom, abused alcohol (a lot), and realized how lucky I am to have the support system I have here.
I watched friends get engaged, married, and pregnant. I cheered them on as they bought homes, got promotions, acceptance letters, and grants. As they survived breakups, mourned losses, and started over. 
I remembered how fun it is to be on my own. I remembered how fun it is to fall in love.
I learned so much, including how much I have left to learn, and I’m excited/kind of terrified to see what 2019 has up its sleeve. 
Happy 2019, friends.

Christmas 2018

by Leave a Comment


This was originally an Instagram caption, but I thought this was a better home for it. 
This Christmas has been equal parts wonderful and heartbreaking. 
I’ve met new family members that I love already, participated in family traditions that I cherish, allowed myself to sit around indulging in sugar, booze, and laziness, and finally got to surround myself with people who knew and loved Mike as much as I did. 
I’ve missed him every day since I found out he passed, but nothing made it feel quite as real as listening to his closest friends reminisce, cry, and sing in his memory. I dreaded the moment when we’d all have to acknowledge that it actually happened and it’s up to us to keep his legacy alive. I hugged his mom and his brothers, I laughed hearing all his crazy stories, and I cried a lot and often. 
The night ended, I nursed my hangover with White Russians, decorated cookies, and managed to feel cheerful for a while. Then on Christmas morning when Santa gifted us all Amazon Echo Dots and I scrolled through the app trying to find fun ways to program it, I saw a message from Mike M. The only message I’ve ever received on my old device from July 2017: 
“MACKENSIEEEE AHHHH! I don’t know if this works, but hope you’re having a good day. Bye.” 
When I first got the news a couple months back, I looked through my voicemails hoping I’d find one from him and didn’t. I scrolled way up in our texts hoping to read every message we’d ever sent to each other and they were gone. But here was a voice message, a gift from him on Christmas morning hoping I was having a good day.
I love you, Mike. I hope you had a good Christmas up there, too.

#OTN Travels: Sapa (the last one!)

by Leave a Comment

*This is a continuation of my travel journal from my solo trip to Vietnam. See part 1 here & part 2 here*

Guys, this time last year I was gallivanting around Vietnam all on my own, so I thought I should finally press publish on this post that’s been patiently sitting in my drafts for 12 months. Enjoyyyy. 


DAY 6

After a restless night on the train car of waking up just about every hour (our car was RIGHT next to the bathroom), I woke up around 5:30am when a horn let us know it was time. I didn’t even end up brushing my teeth because I didn’t want to fight to get into the tiny bathroom, so just picture a very tired Kens with stank breath still wearing the jeans she slept in (and wore the entire day before). Normally she’d be a cranky butthead, but this time around she was in pretty good spirits because ADVENTURE.

I had a hotel booked in Sapa that I found way ahead of time–I picked a fancy 4-star number because I figured by this time in the trip I might be a little worn out and in need of some fancy views–but check in wasn’t until 2pm. I learned my lesson in Hanoi on day one, so I knew I needed to find something to do until then. My bunkmates told me they were going to the once-a-week market in Bac Ha, so I decided to follow suit. I hopped on a bus, asked for some coffee (because coffee breath is better than sleep breath), and promptly made friends with everyone else (like 10 other people) crammed on the bus. This was the first time I found other American tourists, one couple from Philly and another from West Virginia. Not gonna lie, it was pretty fun for me listening to them shit all over Trump on that bus ride, but I think holding a conversation over those windy, bumpy roads for so long (I think the bus ride was about four hours) really took it out of me. By the time I arrived at the market, I was incredibly overwhelmed.

First thing I did was buy a donut–it was delicious, more croissant-like than sweet–but the more I walked around, the more I wanted to run back to the bus and hide. This is the market that supplies ALL the things to the people who live miles and miles around, I’m talkin’ batteries, toilet paper, clothes, meat, spices, anything you could need. There’s no Target or Walgreens for when you run out of tampons, man, so everyone was here and it was a lot to take in. Don’t get me wrong, it was absolutely beautiful. Families working, shopping, chatting, bargaining… but some things I saw I wasn’t used to. Like pigs, buffalo, and even dogs (lots and lots of mangey dogs) all squealing because they’re about to be dinner kinds of things. I think the overstimulation and slight (hypocritical, I might add) disturbance over these animals about to be slaughtered combined with hunger and lack of sleep made me want to break down. 


I almost started crying, in fact I might have shed a couple tears, but then I just ate some pho (it wasn’t very good because I went to a less crowded area to try to chill out, which didn’t help the situation) and walked until I found a little shaded area with a great view of the hustle and bustle with coffee and juice for sale. I got an iced coffee, sat down, and calmed myself down. It was close enough to the action that I didn’t feel like I was hiding or missing out, but far enough that the young boy working the coffee stand asked me why I was just sitting there. He was probably like 15 and practicing his English, but he straight up told me to go see the buffalo. I laughed, finished my coffee, and went to go see the damn buffalo. And just like that my entire mood changed. I was excited to pick out souvenirs for my family and loved the jewelry, elephant pants, and art everywhere.
I ended up spending all my money on gifts and making my first international atm withdrawal–big moves, guys. I enjoyed the rest of my time at the market and eventually made my way back to the bus to go to Sapa. I arrived, checked into my hotel, which was so big, so cheap, and had the most amazing view of the rice fields. I was so lucky because the other folks I met on the Ha Long Bay cruise started their journey in Sapa, and the fog was so bad they couldn’t see a foot in front of them, but it cleared out by the time I arrived. I immediately took a loooong shower, brushed my teeth forever, and took a nap. Then I woke up, went to dinner at a restaurant called A Moment Romantic where I ordered a special that had about four courses. It came with rice wine, which the super sweet waitress warned me was crazy strong, but I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. She noticed I wasn’t drinking the fire water, so she asked if I wanted something else, to which I said, “Can I have a coconut, plz?” MUCH BETTER (and would’ve cost $18 in SF).  

After dinner I thought about exploring, but the fog had already started rolling in and I was still exhausted, so I went back to my luxurious hotel room and watched Blades of Glory. Literally obsessed with Vietnamese TV programming, y’all. Did you know they censor violence on TV? At first I was weirded out because, like, how dare you?! Then I remembered how we censor out words like “sex” and “weed” in songs here in the states and thought hard about how much better life would be if everyone was occasionally exposed to marijuana and sexy times instead of guns, blood, and purposeless violence in movies, video games, and the top 20. Raise your hand if you’d rather catch your high schooler with a joint than a gun *raises all the hands* /end rant

DAY 7
I knew day 7 was going to be dedicated to trekking, so I woke up super early and met up with the Greek ladies from my cruise. We went on a guided hike to three different villages, slip-sliding through the mud while the young, tiny, and incredibly agile women of the villages kept our clumsy asses from sliding down the muddy hills. I definitely still managed to get my shoes entirely covered, but unlike a few of the tourists hiking with me, I never actually ate it. We learned a little bit about each village and how they make hemp into textiles for clothing and purses–the types of goods I saw for sale at the Bac Ha market. Our tour guide was a funny and charming young man who answered all my questions and even demonstrated how to play the bullhorn, an instrument played in the H’Mong village–the single men used to play it to attract a date (who needs Tinder when you’ve got one of these?) We stopped by a school where we saw the children practicing an awesome (and elaborate) dance routine. 
Once I got back to the hotel, it was late afternoon, so I showered, napped and decided to venture out farther for dinner this time. Unfortunately since my Nikes were covered in mud, I wore my only other pair of sneakers, which just so happened to be brand new, bright white adidas… I thought it would be fine because every other night outing ending in me back in bed shortly after, but this time was different. I went to the Good Morning Vietnam restaurant that I found on TripAdviser (I got the chicken curry cooked IN A COCONUT–it was incredible). Since the restaurant was packed inside, I sat outside waiting for a table to open up, but since I was by myself I just went ahead and ordered. Meanwhile, there was a group of dudes waiting outside for a table as well.

They struck up a conversation when they saw my epic coconut filled with curry, and I soon found out that one of them was born and raised in Livermore, CA (that’s in the Bay Area ‘burbs, and I lived there for a year… so bizarre), and they invited me to join their crew. One of them was celebrating his birthday, so dinner turned into a hookah bar, which turned into buying a bottle of whiskey from the bar, which turned into roaming the VERY foggy, multi-color-lighted, abandoned streets of Sapa with a bottle of Jack Daniels. Yeeeea. So needless to say somewhere between dinner and back to my bed, my beautiful, fresh adidas turned into a muddy mess. They still haven’t recovered. 

DAY 8


I think I’ll just skip over this one. Let’s just say I should’ve listened to my Australian friends from the cruise when they told me to stay the eff away from liquor. I was very, very sick all. freakin. day. I checked out of my hotel at noon and hated my life until I went to sleep in the train back to Hanoi that night (I took my Advil PM this time and I was OUT). The highlight of the day probably should’ve been the foot massage I got, but considering I was praying to the gods that I wouldn’t puke on my lap the whole time… the highlight was probably when ladies at the hotel fixed me fried sweet potatoes to keep me from dying. Yep, that’s about it. 

DAY 9 


MY LAST DAY! Ahh sweet Hanoi. One last day to explore. I went back to Gia Truyen first thing in the morning for one last amazing bowl of pho (still the best I ever had), then went to Giang coffee and tried the matcha egg coffee this time–it tasted like magical matcha ice cream that somehow doesn’t destroy my insides. So delightful. I spent most of the rest of the day walking around. I walked around the lake listening to an audiobook (Turtles All the Way Down), bought a few more knick-knacks at various stores, and walked all the way to Bun Cha Huong Lien so I could eat the same Bun Cha that Obama and Anthony Bourdain enjoyed together when they visited. It was delicious and hilarious to see all the photos of the two of them plastered all over the walls. Even the wet napkin said “As eaten by US President Obama.” *Sigh* The good ol’ days…

Eventually I made my way back to the Golden Moon Hotel (where I stored my luggage and stayed every night I was in Hanoi) to get a taxi to the airport. The manager there (the one who got me coffee on my first day) gave me a goodbye present! The sweetest. The last thing I expected after all their help and attentiveness was a gift. It was a decorative plate, and it lives on my dresser with all my jewelry now. I looked out the window the whole cab ride to the airport, taking in the motorbikes, the foggy sky, the beautiful food everywhere, slightly dreading the long journey back to the states, but mostly feeling proud of myself for doing something that, frankly, scared the shit out of me. 

Then it set in. The rush of doing, for the first time, something I know I’ll keep doing for the rest of my life.


This was my first solo trip, but I assure you, friends, it will not be my last. 

Thanks for joining me on this long-winded travel log. Hopefully I’ll be back soon with more. 
Where should I go next?

All About Self-Care, Sis (plus, a giveaway!)

by Leave a Comment

Sup, fam? It’s been a minute. And by minute I mean months and months–the longest blog hiatus I’ve had since starting this thing seven years ago. Whoa. Anyway, I’m here to talk to you guys about personal aesthetic.


I’ve been struggling with some personal stuff, which I’ll hopefully be able to bring myself to write about eventually, but for today I’m keeping it light. I only mention it because I’ve weirdly found comfort in upkeep. My nails, hair, skincare routine–all the stuff I’ve always enjoyed but recently have been taking to the next level has been my form of self care, which presents itself in many different ways. In the past it’s been clean eating/cleanses, strenuous workout challenges/marathon training, blogging (ahem), baking/doing puzzles/rewatching The Office all the way through for the 65th time/etc.


These days it’s all about the aesthetic (and easing my way back into a fitness routine because my sanity depends on it). Maybe it’s all the work trips to LA, or the inspiring women I’m surrounded by every day at work, or the incredible Sephora products we’re gifted on a regular basis, but I’m more motivated than ever before to establish, maintain, and rock my own personal style. So without further ado, here are some of the ways I’ve been changing my lewk lately:


Get Your Nails Did


I used to think getting my nails done was the BIGGEST waste of time and money. I’d save it for special occasions, like a sister date or an upcoming wedding, but after getting one of the best gel manicures of my life a couple months ago, my attitude changed. I noticed that I felt more put together without any chips in my polish, and with a strong coat of gel I wasn’t able to pick at my nails (or skin for that matter)–a bad but very real anxious habit I have. Then as my nails got longer and longer, I realized I could actually shape them. Usually the default when you go to a nail salon is a square shape, and although I’ve never been fond of the square-shaped nail, I thought that was just part of it unless you got acrylics (which are not my cup of tea). I showed a lady a photo of the shape I wanted and she crushed it. Ever since I’ve been SO happy with the way they look. My fingers look longer and more elegant–I actually want to wear rings now! I know it doesn’t seem like nails are that big of a deal, but for whatever reason this small change has boosted my confidence and made me want to step it up in other areas as well.


I Do My Hair Toss

A few weeks ago it suddenly occurred to me that I hadn’t had proper bangs since I was six years old. I’d been noticing them on trendy gals walking down the street and admiring them in trend reports for months, but I never considered that I could get them until I was in LA and mentioned the idea to some of my coworkers. They were into the idea, and I booked the appointment right away. Again, I brought photos (there’s incredible bang-spiration on this IG account) with me to the appointment, and told the stylist that I had natural waves, but they don’t come out unless I have layers or humidity to work with–neither of which were accessible to me at the time. She gave me the fringe and the layers knowing my goal was to be able to let it air dry while still looking interesting (instead of the limp mess it would’ve been), and no joke, I’ve never gotten so many compliments on a haircut in my entire life. Like, the past two weeks have been SO validating, and somewhat uncomfortable *shivers* #introvertproblems BUT I’m stoked, I’m grateful, and I’m so into the 70s vibe they’re giving me. Shout out to Marquee Salon in Oakland for giving me the exact look I wanted–I had never even been there before, but I will definitely be back (probably sooner than I’d like to be considering how fast my hair grows).


Skin So Fresh & So Clean, Clean


Ever since I started working at Sephora (and rapidly reaching the end of my 20s…) skincare has become my thing. I’ve also noticed that any time I post about skincare routines on Instagram I get a LOT of questions from my other late-twenties buddies, so I think I’ll do an in-depth post about it with all my favorite products later, but for now, here’s a quick rundown of my skincare routine, which is half signs-of-aging prevention and half meditation because the actual act of layering these luxurious-feeling, great-smelling products onto my face and neck is truly a massage moment (PSA: I have combination skin that’s not acne-prone, and my concerns are fine lines, dryness, texture, and visible pores).


Morning:
Cleanser, vitamin-c serum, under-eye cream, moisturizer (I am OBSESSED with this exfoliating moisturizer right now, sunscreen with UV and pollution/blue light protection (this one is basically a primer–seriously, it feels like velvet, isn’t greasy, and makes my foundation go on smoothly), foundation and the rest of my makeup routine. I also have a powder sunscreen so I can reapply SPF without messing up my makeup later in the day.


Evening:
Cleanser (double cleansing with a makeup-removing oil balm if I’m feeling extra), a retinol-containing serum (brightens and reduces fine lines), under-eye cream, and a thick, super-hydrating moisturizer.


Weekly extras:
Usually once or twice a week I’ll do a hydrating mask on my forehead and cheeks and a pore-clearing (usually containing charcoal) mask on my nose and chin. I’ve also been really into overnight masks lately (they dry down like a serum, so no worries about pillow transfer or any of that), so when I’m feeling lazy, I’ll just put on an overnight mask after cleansing and rinse it off in the morning (this one smells amazing) Aaaaand when i’m being good, I’ll do a peel once a week, whether it’s an AHA/BHA-packed mask like this one or peel pads like these guys . I know acids and “peels” can sound intimidating, but TRUST they won’t burn your skin off, they’ll just make your skin smoother and brighter by sloughing away dead skin cells (yum).


If My Body Had A Say


Finally, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m terrible at remembering to moisturize the rest of my body. I’ll spend 20 minutes on my face and let the rest of my skin dry out like a prune, but recently I’ve been trying to be better about it. This cream is definitely helping because it smells like lying topless on an isolated beach in Kauai drinking a pina colada feels and supposedly it helps get rid of cellulite (yes, please). The other moisturizer situation I’m into lately is gradual self-tanning lotion. Not even the fancy stuff, I’m talking Jergens . If I put it on as a moisturizer every time I get out of the shower, I don’t look like my skin is see-through, which is an actual concern for me.


Let Me See Your Grill


Finally, and most excitingly, I got an email from a representative from Smile Brilliant a few months ago, and they offered to send me a super legit teeth whitening kit. I enthusiastically agreed because I always want my teeth to be brighter (cough, daily coffee and tea stains, cough), and I’d never tried anything more professional than drugstore whitening strips. They sent me this kit that has everything you need to create a mold of your teeth–you combine these two playdough-like molds together and bite into it, let it harden, and send them back to the lab in prepaid packaging to have the retainer-type trays made. Within a few days they were sent back to me, and I’ve been using them ever since. They sent me syringes of tooth whitening gel and even threw in a bunch of desensitizing gel because I mentioned that was one of my concerns–my teeth are just as sensi as I am. They are super convenient and effective, especially the more consistently you use them. You can keep them on for 1-3 hours depending on how quickly you want results, so I generally put the tray in after dinner before working out, showering, reading, or binge-watching Netflix. Afterward you brush your teeth and fill the same trays with the desensitizing gel and wear for about 15 minutes. Check out the before and after photos:
These are a game-changer. At first I was concerned about the amount of time I’d have to dedicate to it, but it’s so easy and gratifying to know that while you’re washing the dishes or waiting to switch the laundry, you’re also getting whiter teeth. Thanks so much for sending over, Smile Brilliant!


If you’re interested in getting your own kit, enter the giveaway here–it’s for a $149 Smile Brilliant credit and open to the US, UK, Australia and Canada!

Plus, you can use the code onetonothin15 to get 15% off!

I honestly never imagined that taking care of such seemingly insignificant things could boost my confidence so much and help me keep it together. Sometimes when things are imploding, it’s nice to feel like you can control something, even if it’s just how nice your hands or teeth look. When I just want to crawl under my covers and have a good cry, it’s nice to go into the office and have someone notice and appreciate the effort, kind of like dressing up when you feel ill. Fake it ’til you make it, baby.


How have you been practicing self-care lately?

My City By The Bay

by Leave a Comment

This post is sponsored by Good2Go but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of California, but lately I’ve been advocating hard for the East Bay because I live in Oakland, but not today, friends. Today I want to talk about San Francisco, the city that originally stole my heart and made me love this place. My current job is the first I’ve had since moving here (happy five-year Californiaversary to meeee!) that has an office in SF proper, and the chick who wrote this post would be VERY stoked about this.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still fully in love with my job and the Bay Area, but the fact that the ferry building (shown above) filled with locally made trinkets, all-organic-vegan-free-range-baked-today-omg-smells-so-good food, with a gorgeous view of the Bay Bridge and ALL the water is a half-mile walk from my office is clearly a thing I take for granted since I haven’t even mentioned it here.

There’s even a giant farmers market that pops up in front of it every Tuesday and Saturday where I once met a Top Chef contestant and picked out ingredients with the founder of Baia Pasta so he could make us the most amazing pasta dish (while we drank wine and learned about the complex process of making pasta). But on this particular Tuesday, my coworker and beautiful friend Ashley and I just walked over at lunchtime and played with the fresh veggies and bought kombucha (am I assimilated or what?).

While we walked around the ferry building, I checked out the new GOOD2GO app, which is an SF-specific service that points you in the direction of the closest *nice* restroom around and provides you with a QR code that unlocks the door and even automatically opens them for you (this would’ve come in SO handy when I was nannying and trying to maneuver a giant stroller and two kids under 3 years old who seem to have to pee every 10 minutes). 

It told us to go toward the Embarcadero Center just 0.3 miles away from the farmers market, so we headed that way and played in front of this used-to-be fountain on our way over (water conservation FTW). Unfortunately this bathroom was actually a *future* location, so I didn’t manage to find it on this go around, but I ventured out toward SOMA a couple days later and took advantage of the Peet’s Coffee location, shown below.

How cute is this sign?!

It was super convenient, and you can get a free trial right now, so if you’re planning a trip to SF any time soon, first of all, call me so we can get oysters and bubbles together, but secondly, download the app here so you’re never stranded without a bathroom (trust me, there are plenty restrooms you’ll want to avoid around this city).

Sooo when are you coming to hang out?

Thanks GOOD2GO for sponsoring this post! 

Stay Golden

by Leave a Comment

I just had the best weekend, guys.

I may not be able to stand up without groaning today and I might not have sleep nearly as much as one should on a weekend, but waking up at 4am to run 13.1 miles in San Francisco yesterday was totally worth it. My beautiful and inspirational BFF, Eva, drove down from Oregon so we could enjoy some Type 2 Fun–a concept coined by Eva that perfectly describes the agony and pure joy that is completing a super challenging task, in this case running for over two hours straight. Type 2 Fun is the sense of pride and warm fuzzies you feel AFTER the fact even though you’re miserable and asking yourself why you’d ever pay money to torture yourself while you’re doing it.
Type 1 Fun is great too, don’t get me wrong. It’s impulsively eating a donut, drinking rose or golden beer on a sunny afternoon, or hugging your best friend when you haven’t seen her in too long. Our weekend was full of Type 1 as well. We explored adorable shops on Piedmont Ave, drank Michelob ULTRA Pure Gold, ate all the things we couldn’t eat during the Whole30 last month (including boba tea, of course #runningonboba), and caught up on every last detail we’ve missed out on by not being able to physically train together.
But Type 2 you gotta work for, and that makes it that much more satisfying. It’s the reason hiking Mt. Whitney was the best thing I’ve ever done even though I wanted to chop my legs off on the way down. It’s the reason I ran a full marathon down in Southern California two Novembers ago even though I’d see the full-ers run past as I finished my 13.1s and thought to myself, “god, I’m so glad I’m finished and not doing another one of these,” every single time. It’s the reason I didn’t eat sugar or bread for all of March, and how I started reading so many books a month.
It’s why I signed up for a Spartan Race in June (AGHHH) and it’s why I always have things like “go sky-diving” and “hike half dome” on my bucket list. I love challenges, and the harder it is, the happier I am after the fact. The San Francisco Rock ‘n Roll half marathon was my seventh half I’ve completed, and still at 6:15am, shivering in the dark waiting for our turn to start, my stomach quivered with nerves and I wondered for the bajillionth time, WHY DID I DO THIS?!
Then we started running, the sun came out as we ran over the Golden Gate Bridge, and I only went over my personal best time by about two minutes–and there was my answer. 
Thank you to Michelob ULTRA for sponsoring this post. Check out their new golden brew made with organic grains here. 
Pinterest
Instagram
Tiktok