One to Nothin'

10 ways to make yourself exercise right now

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1. Watch Shakira music videos. I’m not kidding. It doesn’t have to be Shakira, it could be any artist who’s bod you aspire to emulate, but that’s what works for me. When I know I should be out there running but instead I’m scrolling through my blog feed and eating froyo, I direct my attention to Youtube (particularly this video, this one and this one). There’s just something about those honest hips (and perfect body) that changes my tune pretty quickly. Nike commercials also do the trick.

2. Start jammin’. Listen to a playlist that gets you pumped. I know everyone says this and that’s because it works–but only if it’s your kind of pump up music! It’s important to figure out what kind of jams make you feel invincible and which ones just make you feel “meh.” I know that a lot of people really get stoked on EDM or dub step (they’re different things, right?) but not me. I’d rather stairmaster in silence than listen to the wub wub, but that’s just me. Maybe you like to pump iron to Mozart or hardcore gangster rap, I’m an alt-rock kind of gal myself but a little electronic and pop here and there goes a long way. I really like this playlist on Spotify and here are my top 10 running songs.

3. Go outside. Do an outdoor activity with friends (or your pup!). On weekends when working out is the last thing I want to do, I like to plan something active like hiking, taking a bike ride or playing kickball. It’s a win-win because you’re exploring, laughing, interacting and seeing so many awesome things that you almost forget that you’re panting like crazy getting up that hill (unless you’re doing a ridiculous 22-mile hike up a mountain in which case it’s hard to forget about the cardio aspect). During the week when time is more limited, I’ll do a short yoga video or just go for a long walk when the thought of running or doing a full-on strength training workout sounds terrible. Chances are by the time you’re warmed up with 20 minutes of an easy activity you’ll be ready to take on more, but if not, remember 20 minutes is better than no minutes.

4. Creep on Instagram. You can get lost in Instagram hashtags if you’re not careful, but there is some serious motivation to be had on there. From #sweatyselfies to #fitchicks, for every minute you put off working out there are approximate 495 million ladies sweating their faces off and Instagramming about it. I have my own fitness-specific Instagram which also serves as a great motivator–your followers know that when you’re not posting sweaty selfies you’re probably Netflix binging and while they’re probably not actually judging, just pretend they are. Plus you can use all the hashtags you want without judgement because none of your ‘normal’ followers have to know about it. #blessed

5. Enlist a Partner In Crime. Sometimes you just need a real life person to hold you accountable even if it’s just a text saying “Hey, did you run today?” or a Nike+ friend you’re “competing” with to gain the top rank. I definitely do better when I have someone telling me how well they’re doing. It’s like a friendly competition where everyone wins (but you can bet your butt I’ll run an extra .20 miles just to beat you). Sign up for a race together that neither of you are ready for and then keep each other in check. Everyone works harder when there’s money on the line.

6. Look good, feel good. Put on all your favorite workout gear. You know you’d much rather go to the gym wearing your fancy workout gear you spent too much money on than in your old D.A.R.E. shirt (although I do that all the time). Sometimes just the act of getting ready to work out is enough to get you out the door.

7. That LBD though. Put on those shorts, that bikini, those pants or that dress. You know, the ones you bought when you were on your most legit to date fitness kick and felt freaking fantastic. Remember how it used to fit?  Yea, go lace up those running shoes because if you did it before you can do it again.

8. Picture it. Just take a couple minutes to visualize yourself after you finish working out. Suddenly you feel like you earned your shower. Your endorphins are flowing and your bed is going to be so much more comfortable by the time you’re ready to sleep. You’ll be one step closer to fitting beautifully into that garment from number 7. One step closer to finishing strong in that race from number 5. And one step closer to that glass of wine.

9. Take your dog. If you have a dog, get into the habit of taking the little fur ball on runs with you. I can tell you right now, there’s nothing sadder than seeing the disappointment on your pooch’s face when he/she thinks it’s time for a run and his/her human bails. Guilt runs are still runs.

10. Whatevs. If none of the other steps work, make it a rest day. Read a good book. Drink some tea. Don’t beat yourself up. Try again tomorrow.

I use all of these techniques daily. I’m not the kind of person that jumps up at the crack of dawn to get my workout in–I have to force myself to get it done but I always feel better after I do. What do you do when you’re lacking motivation?

21st Birthday Sign Ideas

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For those of you who are new around here, let me preface this post with the fun fact that I was a sorority girl in college. That’s right, y’all, I did a secret handshake to get into chapter, wore skanky homemade costumes to socials, drank my face off at frat parties and I even bought kitten heels sophomore year for recruitment (because I’m an idiot). Oh, and I met some of the best people in the universe, but that’s not the point. The point is, there were a lot of us ladies and that gave us four years and Pledge Classes worth of 21st birthday raging. We were big fans of the 21st birthday sign phenom and even though we kept making them over and over again, it was always a struggle to come up with 21 different ridiculous things to make our poor birthday girl do before blacking out throughout the night. I figured since I will have been 21 for four years now in August and I’m a huge Truth or Dare fan anyway, I might as well share some of my infinite wisdom on the topic.

Pick a shape:
The first and probably hardest part of making a 21st birthday sign is deciding what shape it’s going to be. You want it to be personal–a giant wine glass isn’t going to cut it. Every girl likes wine, your BFF isn’t special in that way. With that being said, a wine glass or other alcoholic bevvie container is an attractive option because it’s universal and you can easily fit 21 sentences on it legibly. Still, unless you’re making a sign for a girl you’ve only known for a few days (why would that ever happen?), you probably at least know that she’s a weirdo who actually enjoys Smirnoff Ice or that she only drinks boxed wine–it’s the details that transform a generic 21st birthday sign into a spectacular one. As a general rule though, steer clear of the clichés and go straight for a quirk or an inside joke that you and all your gal pals share. Is your friend the only person you know who eats Spam on the reg? Perfect, Spam sign it is! Remember that time your friend accidentally drunk dialed her mom and rambled on about leprechauns? Boom. Pot of gold birthday sign.

Just don’t get too ambitious because turning Ryan Gosling’s face into a 21st birthday sign would not only be difficult to execute shape-wise but also you wouldn’t want to mar that facial perfection with 21 menial tasks involving shots. Same goes for other elaborate shapes that end up having you writing at weird angles. You want the sign to be legible and there should be room for check boxes at the end of each task (and on that note, don’t forget to bring the permanent marker out with you on the birthday night—it not only serves as a way to prove mid-hangover that she completed everything the next day, but it also makes for funny albeit vulgar temporary tattoos throughout the night).

Think of 21 tasks:
When thinking of the tasks you are having the birthday girl complete, it’s important to keep a few things in mind. The most important thing to remember is it’s her 21st so she’s going to be drunk by the end of the night regardless. Having 21 shots on this sign is really just a waste of dares and could potentially lead to a trip to the hospital. Keep the alcohol related tasks at the beginning of the night when everyone takes a birthday shot and the others could be specific types of people buying them for her, for example, “Take a tequila shot with a ginger” or “Take a whiskey shot in a photo with the bouncer.” Having her take a liquid cocaine shot at the end of the night isn’t going to end well for anybody (I know from experience).

The next important thing to remember is to make the tasks photo ready. Someone should constantly be taking pictures obviously, but you want the photos to be funny and not reputation killers, so be sure to tag your BFF in the “Have a guy named John propose to you,” task and maybe delete the “Take a body shot off of the buffest guy you can find” photo. I’m personally a big fan of tasks that are funny and practical, like “#21. Chug two bottles of Gatorade” or “Collect 20 one dollar bills.” Your girl may still be crazy hungover the next day, but at least she’ll be 20 dollars richer and slightly less dehydrated. The rest of the tasks should be personalized and have to do with inside jokes, but..

When in doubt grab some of the following classics:

1. Get 21 spankings
2. Take a photo with a police officer
3. Make out with a stranger
4. Call or text the 21st person in your contacts
5. Take a drink every time someone says “Happy Birthday”
6. Have someone buy you a pizza
7. Get proposed to by a guy named John
8. Collect 20 one dollar bills
9. Take a pickleback shot

10. Start *insert college/football/sorority* chant at the bar
11. Dance on a table any time a Journey song comes on
12. Twerk every time Miley comes on
13. Shotgun a beer
14. Get 21 cheek kisses
15. Speak to the bartender in an accent that is not your own
16. Start a dance train through the bar
17. Find someone with your same name and sing “Happy Birthday” to her
18. Have someone give you a lap dance
19. Try saying the alphabet backwards
20. Chug two bottles of Gatorade and take two Advil before passing out
21. Have the best birthday ever!!! (aka SURVIVE)

How many years have you been celebrating your 21st now? Did you get a sign?

I confess..

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I got my oil changed, took things to two different post offices (because I went to the wrong one first), cooked dinner, worked out, filled up my laundry card, did my laundry, folded it and put it away all in one day. I was disappointed when I didn’t get a medal for this. Seriously, running 13.1 miles is easier than spending money, time and energy on things like oil changes and laundry. That’s where the real accomplishments are.

I’d rather do all those things 10 times over every day if it meant never having to write another cover letter. For someone who wants to write for a living, I weirdly despise the cover letter ritual.

In lieu of a medal I bought myself doughnuts for my effort. I only picked out three because I knew I’d eat them all in one sitting and the well-intentioned lady threw in an extra four doughnut holes for free. I ate them all.

I never know whether I should write “doughnut” or “donut.”

Before doing those loads of laundry I had zero clean undies and I was using a flat bed sheet in place of a fitted one because both fitted sheets were in the laundry basket.

Said laundry basket has a gigantic wire sticking out of the top of it. It’s embarrassing, but it also assures me that no one is going to steal it when I leave it in the communal laundry room in between washing and drying. Also, I’ve thought several times that if someone were to steal it maybe I’d be motivated to buy a new one that’s not, you know, falling apart. Strategizing, y’all.

In an effort to conserve water (oh hey, massive CA drought), I’ve been letting Ziggy clean off all my plates before they go into the dishwasher. This is a surprisingly effective method, but it has turned her into a giant whiny entitled beagle baby who wants to clean off my plate before I’ve even started eating off of it.

I’ve also been peeing in the shower, but let’s be real, I’ve always done that.

I think there was a time when I enjoyed the band Bastille, but I truly can’t remember because the radio has made me hate them so hard. I’m not even charmed by their accents anymore. I don’t care how you’re going to be an optimist about this. Just get out of my ear holes.

I’ve listened to “Stolen Dance” by Milky Chance 234,567 times since discovering it on Sunday. I’m now obsessed with “Down By The River” as well.

I used my tripod to kill three massive spiders in my bathroom a couple weeks ago but only after arming myself with one rain boot, one running shoe and a flip flop for my free hand. I found a big one in my room last night and was greatly desensitized as it only took one flip flop this time.

My tripod is now broken, but I’m keeping it next to my bathroom door for spider killing emergencies.

Breaking my tripod meant I had to take these photos by setting my camera on a utility box. After the first two outfits, a gaggle of children started playing as children should directly in the good sunlight in front of the utility box resulting in awkward posing in front of babies, horrible lighting and eventually taking the rest of the photos inside.

What do you confess?

Linking up with Kathy.

What I Wore – Blue Jean Bar Style

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Top: Amour Vert / Jeans: Henry & Belle / Scarf: Created New
Vest: AS by DF / Jeans: Fidelity
Jeans: Joe’s / Top: Joe’s / Top: Joe’s / Top: Cynthia Vincent

I think I’ve mentioned my jean conundrum around here a time or two, but for those who haven’t heard me complain about it yet, just know it’s difficult for this guy to find a well-fitting pair of blue jeans. I’m fairly certain it’s because my donk is far larger than my legs would have jean makers believe, so whenever I find jeans that fit well on my legs, they’re too small in the butt region and vice versa (and let’s just say I haven’t had any desire to venture into the Apple Bottom brand..). On many occasions I’ve gone on shopping trips specifically searching for a great, multi-purpose pair of jeans and I’ve come home empty handed (or with a pair or two of “jeggings” with fake pockets..) after trying on a dozen pairs. A frustrating experience to say the least, so when the Blue Jean Bar reached out to me I was excited but very nervous that none of the jeans would fit.
BJB Express is a home delivery service in which high quality brand jeans and matching tops/accessories are sent to your home for just $1. A stylist picks out the outfits based on your personal style after a quick (I mean super quick!) consultation and a box is sent to you within a few days. You try on the clothing, pay for the items you want to keep and send the rest back with the prepaid shipping label within 10 days. I got to try out the service and I was definitely impressed. All of the outfits were totally me and there was only one out of five pairs of jeans that truly didn’t fit (not pictured).
These outfits were all of my favorite things: beachy, boho, badass and ultra comfortable. I honestly wish I could keep all of them, but my bank account won’t allow it. 
Which ones do you think I should keep?

Weekend Snapshots

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I had a lovely NorCal kind of weekend. Friday night I went to a SF Giants baseball game where I watched a gang of misfit marching band members from Seattle play out front before witnessing our team lose in the ninth inning. Fortunately our spirits were promptly lightened by a grand fireworks show right there in the AT&T Park to the tune of Journey’s “Lights.” Saturday was spent babysitting, resting and job applying. On Sunday some lovely ladies and I went for a hike through Muir Woods where we hid inside of trees and struggled up massive hills followed by some serious pigging out at In-N-Out Burger. Now I’ve got sore calves and a renewed obsession with this magical place. How was your weekend?

Friday things

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Comcast has been ruining all my blogging plans since it won’t allow me the pleasure of the wifi I pay for each month, so instead of the massive style post I was planning on releasing to the world today, I’ve got random photos from my phone. There’s a stray photo from my Mt. Whitney excursion (Part I & Part II), the view from the top of SF Art Institute, the beautiful artwork Emma created for the art show, a selfie from the upcoming style post, some pretty smoothies (that green one has peaches, spinach and almond butter in it–weirdly delicious), a goal of 100 miles by summer completed and the shoe aftermath of putting together several outfits. Happy Friday, friends!

In my beach bag

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When I started thinking about the things I’d fill my fantasy beach bag with, I suddenly found myself on a windy beach with no shortage of rocks, cliffs and hermit crabs. It was an image far removed from my typical Cosmo, wine and frisbee scene the word “beach” generally conjures in my mind. I saw myself with imperfect tousled waves rocking a high-wasted bikini while sitting on an authentic Mexican blanket and sipping bourbon from a rad flask. Donning those Warby Parker shades and that dreamy pair of Steve Madden sandals while reading Steinbeck and Kerouac out loud to Ziggy. She wouldn’t be listening though, she would be too busy eating the crab carcasses. I’d bring sunscreen, lip balm with SPF 15 and deodorant too, of course. I think it would be a pretty stellar start to summer.
What’s in your fantasy beach bag?

(Ultra Whiny) Confessions

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I confess…
Blogging is hard.
There are two empty bottles of wine in my kitchen. Yesterday they were full.
I bawled my eyes out when my workout video wouldn’t play. Like, full on temper tantrum sobs.
I went running to make the crying stop and after six miles I decided it was time to drink.. and eat pizza.
I’ve been hungover, crampy and internally bleeding all damn day.
I’ve been sneaking Brookside Dark Chocolate Acai Berries all day every day for the past two weeks.
I felt guilty about it yesterday, but instead of not eating them I did squats while I ate them.
I had no idea the singer from Neon Trees looked like this.
I keep remembering things I’d really like to do, like go see “The Fault in Our Stars” or buy groceries, but then I remember that I’m poor.
The other day I got peed, pooped and puked on by the dude baby for a total of three costume changes. Then Ziggy puked on me too.
I still don’t know where I’ll be moving come July 31st.
Party on, Garth.

Visualization

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I’m a big believer in visualizing my goals. I saw myself smiling and radiating with accomplishment at the top of Mount Whitney many, many times the night before I started the most difficult (physical) journey I’ve faced thus far and I made it.

Plenty of other factors contributed to this success, but visualization remains one of my favorite and so far successful techniques in accomplishing my goals. One way I make these visions more concrete in my brain is by creating a vision board. I’m sure this concept isn’t new to anyone and while I’ve been vaguely adding pins to my 2014 Pinterest Board, I realized I hadn’t created an actual vision board for myself since first moving to California. I knew I wanted to represent my goals visually, but what happens when you have several very different ideas of where your life should go?

When I was still living at home, I knew it was my goal to get to California. I knew I wanted a job, but that was mainly because I needed money to be in the place I wanted so desperately to be in. Now that I’ve been here for over a year, I feel like the career part is becoming slightly more important. Not just because I’ve been receiving troubling emails and texts about my bank account status, but because I want to feel like I’m making a difference and doing something worthwhile. I’ve toyed with many different scenarios for my next step–Going to grad school? Finding an office job? Continue nannying? Teaching? Volunteering? Moving back to Florida?

My lease ends the day before my 25th birthday which is just entirely appropriate. It’s amazing how different life was right before my 24th. I thought I had it all figured out–laughable really. All the things I felt secure in a year ago are irrelevant 10 months later. This grants me freedom, which is exhilarating and also completely terrifying. I have no idea what the best decision is and I vacillate daily, hourly even. Usually my vision board would contain very specific goals so I could see, smell, taste and feel them before they become a reality, but instead I focused on the things that will make me happy because that’s the important part, right?

Exploring, learning, traveling, creating, reading, writing, earning, contributing, being healthy and daring to take chances are all ways I can achieve my goals as vague as they might be. I hope that visualizing myself doing all the things I love will point me in the right direction and guide me to the path that will leave me and those around me fulfilled and joyful. I’ve approximately seven weeks to make some sort of decision, at least when it comes to living arrangements, so if I could get a few extra brains visualizing my successful decision making as well, it would be greatly appreciated.

Worst Songs in my iTunes Library

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Remember back when people used to buy music? Well, if you downloaded Kazaa on a PC, snatching up Alanis Morissette, Good Charlotte and Usher to your heart’s content and then watched as it slowly slaughtered your electronics, then maybe you started buying music like I did (otherwise you probably just continued to download it illegally).

Well with the introduction of Rhapsody and then Spotify, that iTunes spending habit/tedious task of transferring my CD collection to the computer ceased to exist and while I’m forever grateful for these incredibly convenient inventions, this means my iPhone’s music library is perpetually stuck in a time period of extreme confusion. This wouldn’t be an issue if I was patient enough to figure out how to make Nike+ and Spotify work simultaneously or rich enough to buy speakers that charge my iPhone while it plays, but I’m none of these things and therefore every time I run or jam out while bleaching my mustache getting ready, it’s like I’m hopping into the DeLorean and gunning it back to a fun but stupid time.

These are the songs that shuffle onto my phone/iPod that make me want to rip my hair out but are then immediately forgotten about and therefore never deleted from the pool of shuffle-able songs. I’m adding them individually because my Spotify library does not need to be tainted with the likes of the following musical indiscretions.

There’s even something about their faces that just makes me want to punch them right in the ocular cavity. Best lyric of this song: “It took too long for you to call back, and normally I would forget that, except for the fact it was my birthday, my stupid birthday.” It was her stupid birthday, man. Call back faster or you’re potentially going to miss out on this gem.
This was the point where Avril went from wearing boy clothes and yelling eff-the-po-pos to wearing glittery pink plaid skirts and writing lyrics like, “She’s like so whatever, you could do so much better.” Now that she’s married to the dude from Nickelback, her lyrics are truly mind-blowing. (Have you seen this?)
I have no idea how this got into my library. I mean I guess I went through my “hardcore” phase, but no, no, no. Just no.
OK, I admit it, I will absolutely still sing along to this one, but it’s incredibly gross. Best lyric? “But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means ‘Small Craft Advisory.'”
No, you cannot count me in, Colby. You and your bubbly toes can suck it.
Seriously, Enrique? You thought it was a good idea to play ping pong in the background of your song? And then, just in case we couldn’t identify the noise we were hearing, you went ahead and added ‘Ping Pong Song’ to the title in parenthesis. Brilliant, hombre. 
I never, I repeat never, paid for this song. It is one of my life’s great mysteries as to how it appeared in my library, but I’ve loathed it ever since its discovery. According to me, you’re an idiot. How is this a matter of deciding which dude to go with? “I need to feel appreciated, like I’m not hated,” no crap! The fact that you even felt the need to write a song like this makes me think you deserve that d-bag you’re singing about. I bet you do suck at telling jokes.
Confession: I actually like this song, but it’s pretty embarrassing that I ever spent money on something that Paris Hilton created. Whatever. It’s hot. “Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride, but when I walk they talk of suicide.” I mean, wouldn’t you rather die than lose a partner like Paris?
I have this entire album. It’s truly, truly terrible. I listened to these bratty assholes in high school, like, a lot, and I can only pray that I was never this whiney in real life. If so, I am so sorry mom and dad. “Yesterday was the worst day ever, and tomorrow won’t be better.” Vom dot com. Grow up, ya big babies.
Please forgive my poor judgement. What’s the worst song in your music library?
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