I Might Be Schizophrenic

Did anyone else used to read the comics in the newspaper every day? The “funny papers,” as my mom called them, were absolutely my favorite part of the paper (let’s be real, they still are). Well, in the comic “Rose is Rose” the mother character is always spending her time taking care of her husband and son and being all domestic-like, and every once in a while her split personality disorder kicks in and she turns into a badass biker chick.

The reason I tell you all this is because MacKensie is a fairly responsible person. Aside from letting dirty dishes pile up for days and leaving clean clothes in the dryer until completely depleting her supply of clean undies and bathing suit bottoms, therefore forcing her to do another load, she has some of her shit together. She works, goes running, cooks healthy meals and plays with her sweet dog.

But every once in a while, after a couple bottles glasses of Chardonnay, Rose comes out to play and she don’t mess around.

While MacKensie drinks juice and runs in her Vibrams, Rose drinks whiskey and runs home from bars. MacKensie drinks coffee and eats vitamins in the morning; Rose drinks sweet tea and eats Advil in the morning. MacKensie dances to Taylor Swift in front of her mirror; Rose dances to Def Leppard on top of tables. MacKensie gets into longterm relationships while Rose flirts with anyone who might buy her a drink. MacKensie texts her friends inside jokes; Rose Snapchats pictures of herself with dirty doodles on them to her friends. MacKensie won’t go to bed until she’s brushed her teeth, washed her face and put on pajamas; Rose can’t be bothered with unbuckling her shoes, sleeps with all her jewelry on and always wakes up looking like a raccoon. MacKensie claims “One to nothin’!” when she guesses the right artist singing the song on the radio; Rose screams “ONE TO NOTHING, MOTHER F***ERS!!!!” at the top of her lungs even when she guesses the wrong artist.